Empowerment: Choosing Happiness
I’m a blogger. I blog. It’s what I do.
I’m a talker. I talk. It’s what I do.
Basically, I communicate. It’s what I’m good at, but, with that said, this funny thing has happened lately; while I talk incessantly, and I communicate ad nauseum, I don’t blog anymore. It seems that I have lost the “Je ne sais quoi” that led me to an almost exasperating need to document, to legitimize my every feeling via my laptop keyboard. I have lost my writing Mojo.
So, dear friend, when you asked me to guest blog for you, it took me FOREVER to get around to doing it, didn’t it?! You did, after all, first shoot out the idea months ago. Despite the fact that you wrote a guest piece for my blog ( http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2012/11/life-happens-wear-helmet.html ), I still failed to come up with a piece for you in return. Finally, out of shame in response to your most recent request for me to get a move on it(though you termed it more politely!), I pulled out the lap top, fired it up, and did more than just stare at my word processor and then switch to Netflix - I started writing!
Why have I stopped writing? There are several reasons, I suspect: lack of interest, pure laziness and overwork among a few, yes, but, more importantly because…and get ready for this because this might be an odd answer…because I’m HAPPY!
When you take a creative writing class, the first, and perhaps most obvious, lesson you learn is to “write what you know about”. With that in mind, my blog is an outlet for my “knowledge”. As a Mom of an Autistic child, I write about pain, indecision, loss, fear. I write about my struggles, her struggles, and the struggles of my family. Basically, I bounce my thoughts off of my readers in the hopes that what will bounce back will be understanding, empathy and encouragement.
…because I’m HAPPY
When I was younger - a wild and crazy teen and young adult - I thought happy meant laughing, partying, being the centre of attention. As an adult, I thought it was something I should aspire to and strive for, something I should find the meaning of, something everyone, but me, had.
Then, one day recently, I was sitting on the couch, snuggling my puppy, drinking coffee, watching a movie, and it came to me; I’m happy. That one moment in time, snuggling with the puppy left me feeling peaceful and content - like all was “right” in my world. I discovered, in that moment, that happiness is a moment where you’re not striving, when you are content in your skin and in your reality.
How could I be “happy” when nothing had changed in my life? My child was still Autistic and I was still an overtired, overworked single mother trying to make my way in the world without being dependant on people around me. What can be good about those circumstances? What had changed, interestingly, was my bullshit attitude that happiness is an abstract concept, and not my situation. I realized, finally, that happiness is a state of mind. It is not an absence of sadness, as I misguidedly thought, but rather, an acceptance of sadness and hardship and an agreement with yourself to still be grateful for your life, and your blessings.
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”
-Lucille Ball
My world, for all its flaws and pain and heartache was going to be alright, I realized, because I’m capable of making it alright and in that moment, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and puppy kisses I understood:” happy” is realizing, and accepting, and feeling gratitude for yourself and all that you can do and be. It’s not laughter or the absence of pain; it’s the beauty of moments that fill you with peace.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
-Carl Jung
I’d discovered peace that day.
This discovery left me so wide open that I felt empowered and, I suspect, because of that revelation, left me capable of handling what was going to come next…a beautiful man who was about to knock me off of my feet and make me feel something I had never felt before: unabashed contentment. In return, in my revelation, I know I can give him the same.
In the end, we need to challenge what we think “happy” means. We need to challenge how we find it, where we find it and what we think it should look like. Most importantly, I think we have to stop looking for it. “Happiness” is not a hunt; it’s not a journey, but a state of being. I’m going to kiss each of my beautiful children, I’m going to smile at my ex-husband and let him off of the hook for being human and I’m going to ask nothing more of my new love than that he be as content, and as giving and honest, with me as I am going to be with him. You Glenn, I’m going to continue to remind on a regular basis that I love you because you figuratively held my hand through some very painful moments, old friend. Together, we shall revel in “happy” and I look forward to being interested in writing for my own blog again someday soon.
I’m a talker. I talk. It’s what I do.
Basically, I communicate. It’s what I’m good at, but, with that said, this funny thing has happened lately; while I talk incessantly, and I communicate ad nauseum, I don’t blog anymore. It seems that I have lost the “Je ne sais quoi” that led me to an almost exasperating need to document, to legitimize my every feeling via my laptop keyboard. I have lost my writing Mojo.
So, dear friend, when you asked me to guest blog for you, it took me FOREVER to get around to doing it, didn’t it?! You did, after all, first shoot out the idea months ago. Despite the fact that you wrote a guest piece for my blog ( http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2012/11/life-happens-wear-helmet.html ), I still failed to come up with a piece for you in return. Finally, out of shame in response to your most recent request for me to get a move on it(though you termed it more politely!), I pulled out the lap top, fired it up, and did more than just stare at my word processor and then switch to Netflix - I started writing!
Why have I stopped writing? There are several reasons, I suspect: lack of interest, pure laziness and overwork among a few, yes, but, more importantly because…and get ready for this because this might be an odd answer…because I’m HAPPY!
When you take a creative writing class, the first, and perhaps most obvious, lesson you learn is to “write what you know about”. With that in mind, my blog is an outlet for my “knowledge”. As a Mom of an Autistic child, I write about pain, indecision, loss, fear. I write about my struggles, her struggles, and the struggles of my family. Basically, I bounce my thoughts off of my readers in the hopes that what will bounce back will be understanding, empathy and encouragement.
…because I’m HAPPY
hap·py
/ˈhapē/
Adjective
| |
Synonyms
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When I was younger - a wild and crazy teen and young adult - I thought happy meant laughing, partying, being the centre of attention. As an adult, I thought it was something I should aspire to and strive for, something I should find the meaning of, something everyone, but me, had.
Then, one day recently, I was sitting on the couch, snuggling my puppy, drinking coffee, watching a movie, and it came to me; I’m happy. That one moment in time, snuggling with the puppy left me feeling peaceful and content - like all was “right” in my world. I discovered, in that moment, that happiness is a moment where you’re not striving, when you are content in your skin and in your reality.
How could I be “happy” when nothing had changed in my life? My child was still Autistic and I was still an overtired, overworked single mother trying to make my way in the world without being dependant on people around me. What can be good about those circumstances? What had changed, interestingly, was my bullshit attitude that happiness is an abstract concept, and not my situation. I realized, finally, that happiness is a state of mind. It is not an absence of sadness, as I misguidedly thought, but rather, an acceptance of sadness and hardship and an agreement with yourself to still be grateful for your life, and your blessings.
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”
-Lucille Ball
My world, for all its flaws and pain and heartache was going to be alright, I realized, because I’m capable of making it alright and in that moment, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and puppy kisses I understood:” happy” is realizing, and accepting, and feeling gratitude for yourself and all that you can do and be. It’s not laughter or the absence of pain; it’s the beauty of moments that fill you with peace.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
-Carl Jung
I’d discovered peace that day.
This discovery left me so wide open that I felt empowered and, I suspect, because of that revelation, left me capable of handling what was going to come next…a beautiful man who was about to knock me off of my feet and make me feel something I had never felt before: unabashed contentment. In return, in my revelation, I know I can give him the same.
In the end, we need to challenge what we think “happy” means. We need to challenge how we find it, where we find it and what we think it should look like. Most importantly, I think we have to stop looking for it. “Happiness” is not a hunt; it’s not a journey, but a state of being. I’m going to kiss each of my beautiful children, I’m going to smile at my ex-husband and let him off of the hook for being human and I’m going to ask nothing more of my new love than that he be as content, and as giving and honest, with me as I am going to be with him. You Glenn, I’m going to continue to remind on a regular basis that I love you because you figuratively held my hand through some very painful moments, old friend. Together, we shall revel in “happy” and I look forward to being interested in writing for my own blog again someday soon.
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