I've been single for awhile. I won't say how long it has been, but 5 years seems to be a good, uneven number to throw out there. It hasn't been easy in any sense of the word but I wouldn't change it for anything and here's why. If it wasn't for my last long term relationship ending I would have never embarked on this current journey where I have found my creative self. I really like this new me! It has shown itself in bits and pieces throughout my life so it was about time that it showed up in my life as a permanent resident. The downside to that is the fact that I've been so busy that I have had to rely on internet dating to bring dream girl into my life. Its easier than it sounds and in some cases it can get very expensive.
Before we move on let's recap of what I have previously written in my unintentional series of Dating in your 40's. If you have followed this blog you may have read a couple of posts where I spoke about the pros and mostly cons of dating in your 40's. I remember back in the day, when I was in my 20's, of meeting a "person of interest" through the means of going somewhere and actually meeting "the one" unintentionally. The internet was not even in our thoughts yet. Of course going to the bar was the best way to connect back then but, as time went on, the ways and means to meeting other single people changed. What changed it? The internet did! I blame the internet for the fall of proper human communication. I previously wrote about how I met three very real women and that they perfectly summed up my dating woes. They were Crack Pipe Girl, Meat Draw Girl, and Wheezy.
Crack Pipe Girl felt comfortable enough to tell me that 2 weeks before we met she had finished a 6 month crack binge and that as long as she stayed off the pipe she was fine. The next person was Meat Draw Girl. I met her, and her mom, at a local pub. She failed to tell me they would have been drinking there all day so that by the time I walked in the door I must have looked pretty good. Long story short, I had to stay until the meat draw happened. Then I offered them both a ride home, being it was winter. Meat Draw girl yelled back at mom saying "Mom! He has a car!" I really had to figure out a great exit strategy on that one. Last on the list was Wheezy. Being I am a non smoker it was important to find someone that was also a non-smoker. Wheezy put in her profile that she was a non smoker but when we met she had a smoke hanging out of her mouth and smoke billowed out of her van. That was alot of fun listening to that constant wheeze in her laugh. My point is, the whole online dating thing raised my expectations to the point that when I came home after these disasters, I felt dejected and more lonely than ever. What was missing? Connection.
All three of them totally defined exactly how much more hit and miss online dating is compared to back in the day when we just MET people. I realized very quickly that I had raised my standards because of how much harder I worked for what I wanted to achieve. I didn't have to settle. What I didn't realize is was that when the other parties lower their standards I suddenly become prime rib. This realization really made me pull back even more and place more energy into my creativity. It was fate's way of telling me not to lower my standards and settle. I was to hold out for something that was real. Prime rib should attract prime rib is basically the analogy I would use. But how does that help with meeting someone who piques your interest enough to embark on a journey of getting to know each other and ultimately falling madly in love? Why am I hungry talking about online dating? Oh yeah....prime rib.
Online dating doesn't help and here's why. You create your online dating profile. Immediately the site starts to ask you questions to get you to fill in the blanks. What's your body type? Well if I put average then the ladies will either think I am overweight or perhaps I have some esteem issues. If I say athletic will they think I am a liar because I don't have the physique of The Rock. What do I like to do in my spare time? Well, if I list everything will they think I am too busy? If I mention I am an actor will they think I am a liar? My point is, honesty is not promoted on these sites. You can be anyone you want to be. For those of you in your 40's you will laugh at this reference. When I was younger, I watched a cartoon called The Flinstones, I remembered an episode where Wilma wanted to win a big prize in a contest that asked wives to talk about all the cool things their husbands did. Long story short, she embellished Fred so much that she won the contest and Fred had to go and do all the things she said he could do. That's not so different when it comes to our reality. Online dating sites, between the lines, ask us to embellish ourselves to make us look good to perspective mates. We have no idea about how honest these people are being. The sad part is, even if they are telling the truth, sometimes they seem too good to be real......and because there is soooo much embellishment going on that even the honest ones are being put into the reject pile. Add on the fact that some of our pictures don't tell the complete story.
About 3 weeks ago a friend of mine hosted a party where single people could come and mingle. No profiles.....no embellishment of ourselves. It was a gourmet grilled cheese party along with Tomohawk throwing with some alcohol in the mix. Fun stuff! I was nervous going because I would know one person. I would have to be myself and would not be able to let my my dating profile do the talking. I would have to meet people and actually have conversations from scratch. And then in walked a woman with an engaging and genuine smile with the energy about her that made everyone else seem distant to me. We conversed for a good portion of the night. There was mingling as there were others there.....but at the end of the night, we both found each other a amazing and added each other on Facebook. We also expressed the desire to meet again.
Since the party, we started to converse a little bit. Because my dating perspective of "too good to be true" had been ruling my dating life, I held back a bit. Once the frequency of conversations picked up I really started to like this person and was reminded that this was the kind of connection I was looking for. We arranged to meet again but because I have been online for so long I felt the need to talk more about my physical self and not my intellectual self.
To bring that part into perspective, I have to give a little bit of my physical history. Over a year ago I was 265 lbs. I felt being over weight really held me back. And it did on many levels. Long story short, I am now 55 lbs of fat lighter and 20 lbs of new muscle has replaced it all because of working out consistently. I jokingly told this person I could have sent her a topless picture and her reply was that I didn't need any pre-advertising. I immediately thought that she liked what she saw. Her reply to that was very profound. She said that she also liked what she heard. She went on to say that she liked my intelligence and the ability to engage and that the rest was just "sexy icing." Someone liked me for me. The fact I was an artist, single dad, dog owner, etc, piqued her interest as her intelligence had also piqued mine.
People need to realize that dating is more than just a physical thing. Our primal human instincts force us to find a mate. Back in the days when we did cave paintings, dating was just simply meeting and grunting. We have definitely evolved from that but there is one thing that we have forgotten to do, because of the internet, and that is showcasing every aspect of ourselves including our intelligence. Why waste our time looking at online profiles when we can just go out and meet? Long story short, we will meet later today and carry on with our conversation. It will be engaging with sexy icing to boot!
Before I end this post I wanted to ask everyone to help out with a project I have been working on for the past few months. I am part of a film group trying to get a movie filmed called Patient 62. We ran the project through a Canadian indie film process called CineCoup. We were a top 5 contender but pulled out for fear of losing control of certain aspects of our project. We currently have an Indiegogo campaign going on and would love either some help in getting some funding or even to have people spread the word. Please have a look at our campaign video that also includes a concept trailer. I have a prime role in this baby so there is alot of motivation for me to share this with you all. Have a look at the link below! If you know of anyone wanting to invest in a film, please guide them to our site!
Have an awesome day!
https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/patient-62-the-movie#/story
