Greetings! After a long absence I'm back and with lots of stuff to talk about. My life has not swayed from the title of this blog and I can't wait to share everything that took place for me in 2014.
I just received a text from a friend of mine. "So what," you say. This is the holidays! Get a grip! Everyone gets a text from a friend at Christmas. Oh yeah, and on a daily basis to boot! My response to that would be, "Will you let me finish for once? I mean come on! Why do you always interrupt me?" Ahhh...the holiday season. Anyways, how many of you have acquired a new cell phone in the last three months? And after acquiring said new cell phone, how many times have you received a text where only the number shows up saying "How's it goin?" Come on! I'm not the only that has had to formulate a diplomatic way of asking who it is. Its not supposed to be like this! And coupled with the fact that this is the Christmas season. Its very stressful not wanting to insult the other party with that silly question. You know the one. "Who is this???" But then that human obsessed thought process starts weaving its wonderful magic. Maybe this is someone you said you would text but never did. I'm truly sorry if you are one of those people in my world. I'll text you later! Oh wait, I didn't save your number to my SIM card.
So, as I was telling you, my friend sent me a text message and I had absolutely no idea who this person was. Panic set in. How do I respond? I have to respond. Would it be rude not to respond? So I responded. Turns out it was a newly acquired friend that hadn't sent me a text message since my acquisition of a new iPhone just over 2 months ago. What a relief! I didn't have to answer the questions like where have I been, or why haven't I sent a them a message, or when am I going to put them in one of my filming projects. Heavy sigh. Sorry mom, we'll work you in the script.
Then it dawned on me. I don't memorize phone numbers anymore. I remember a time in my life where I memorized every phone number I was given. Seriously? When did this stop? I've come to the conclusion that it stopped when they invented "Contact Lists." My toll free banking phone number is memorized, but not any of my friends. Ask me what my mom's cell number is and I would have to go into my contact list to tell ya.
What have we become? Now what curve ball is evolution going to throw at us to accommodate technological advancements? Is this what an evolutionary process in action looks like? Is this a sign that
mother nature is about to change us to suit our environments? Thats how it works right? For example, as we speak people are walking down the street, somewhere in the world, with their heads down while typing an "lol" to a snide remark. You hear a lot of horror stories about what happens to people that don't watch where they are headed while typing a text message. Some get hit by buses. Some drive while texting. Others are safely bumping into other people sending texts and only suffer minor concussions. Is this another form of Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest? I think evolution needs to resolve this by shortening our arms to resemble the tine arms of a tyrannosaurus rex. Then we can hold the phone closer to our faces. Next, evolution needs to create a third eyeball in the middle of our foreheads so we can see where we are going while sending a text message. The only problem with this theory is its going to take hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of years to complete. Yeah, we could speed up the process and experiment but really, how many flipper babies with special powers of destruction do we have to create? Right.....that's a definite "no" on the genetic experiment theorem.
Don't let technology override your humanity. Memorize that number you get from that cute girl at the bar. Or ladies, how about that sexy tech support guy that solved that problem where you computer wouldn't turn on....again. Turns out its that silly power bar switch under your desk that mysteriously gets turned off. Thats right! Get his number and burn it in your brain! He might be a good cook. Ok fine then! Put him in your contact list! See if I care! :)
So with that being said, its time for a recap of all that has transpired in my 2014. Acting is still in full swing. Wolf Cop premiered in June and was shown all around the world. There is a sequel planned to film this spring so stay tuned on that front. In July, I had the privilege of doing some background work for Corner Gas The Movie. What fun it was to see a few of the principle actors interact with some TSN personalities. In case you were wondering what part I played, I was drunk hick wearing a wolf hat in the background of the garage bar scene. Bread Thieves came out on DVD a couple of weeks ago and sales are going very well. I'm still moving forward with my film project called Oblivious. We released a concept trailer a couple of months ago (see link below) and have had some great responses. I plan on filming a prequel web series to Oblivious called Omega and currently have the pilot written. I will be writing subsequent episodes for a film date sometime in the spring. Last but not least, I'm excited to announce I got the lead role in a TV show pilot called Frivolous. I will be playing a 40 something lawyer that chases ambulances to see what kind of law suits he can conjure. The pilot script was hilarious and I look forward to updating you on the progress of this project to be filmed at the end of January 2015.
Thats if for now! May positive energy surround you and those around you! Happy holidays to everyone and I look forward to posting more in 2015! Enjoy my trailer!
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JUXfByJuUk
Cheers!
PS: Go watch The Interview! Its on YouTube! Don't let threats dictate artistic expression!
Thursday, 25 December 2014
Sunday, 2 February 2014
A tale of two cars...and the return of Life Happens, Wear a Helmet.....
Greetings world! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Life has definitely been busy since the last time I posted.... (checking posts)....yikes! October! I can explain my absence...really I can.
So in November I filmed my speaking role in the movie Wolf Cop. What an awesome time I had being on set of a high budget film. I had my own dressing room....the food was fantastic....it went by way too fast. But what an experience! It will be coming to Canadian Cineplex theaters in April so make sure you go see this fun film.
And as for my health crisis, I can absolutely say that I am fully functional again. Still got some swelling but that mostly comes after I've exercised. I won't bore you with that recap so lets move on to the next adventure.
I am happy to announce that I have started filming my pitching trailer for the movie I wrote called Oblivious. What a great experience I am having. I have a great crew and from what I see the public is starting to gain some interest in this thriller. Stay tuned for more details! Lots of surprises ahead!
Now, as always, a funny story that happened to me and how it relates to human connection.
Since my last posting there have been mass shootings, natural disasters, and many human triumphs. When you hear those stories, do you ever wonder what you were doing when these things actually happened? I know that in this world of the interweeb (on purpose...) that we hear of what is happening out there in minutes instead of hours. Its a sign of the times. I really need to ask you one question. What were you doing at 7:45 am (Saskatchewan time) on Thursday January 30th? I was standing in line waiting for coffee.
As many Canadians can profess, we all line up for our favorite cup of coffee from Tim Horton's. For those of you that aren't aware, Tim Horton's would be the Canadian version of Starbucks....just not as expensive and the best coffee ever. Just sayin! Their coffee is very good....sometimes addicting. I was getting my usual morning bagel and coffee and rushed out and got into my car. This is where the story gets funny. As I was getting ready to place my cup of coffee into the cup holder, I thought to myself when I glanced over towards the passenger seat "How did that blanket and blue extension cord get in my car?" And then I asked myself "What is that flowery thing hanging on my rearview mirror?" And then I thought to myself when "Where is my F&@$ing stick shift?" A million thoughts ran through my head. I thought I had jumped into the twilight zone. I actually thought something was wrong and I am sure the utter look of confusion and bewilderment would have made such a great picture. It suddenly dawned on me that I WAS IN THE WRONG CAR!!!! How does this happen? Well, I'll tell you. The car was the same make and model of car I had....even the same color! The only different is that this car was the sedan version and I have a hatchback.
So, in a very concerned but comedic way, I got of the stranger's car. Now the reason I even approached this car was not only because it looked the same but mine was blocked from site two stalls over by a big white SUV. There was a woman sitting in it with her daughter. She watched as I got out of that car shaking my head with a huge grin on my face. As I was going around the front of the SUV I looked up and saw the woman's look of confusion as to why I was doing what I was doing. I gestured towards my actual car and then she looked at the one I just left and she immediately started laughing so hard I am sure she peed herself. She unrolled her window and said that I made her day. As a matter of fact I am sure I was the subject of coffee break banter and perhaps a dinner party story as well. Its one of the funniest and surreal situations I have ever been in.
This situation really drives home the fact that we touch people's lives more than we know. The fact that this woman, who could have been having a very bad morning, told me I made her day really made me relax about the situation. I didn't get sucked into another dimension. Life is so spur of the moment that when situations arise like the one I went through, it slows it down even it is only a few minutes. It really drives home the need to slow our world down and connect to other humans. Even though it was at the expense of my confusion, all three of us shared a very funny moment that made all involved feel good. And laughter is exactly what made us feel good.
I drove to work with a huge smile on my face thinking "Wait until everyone hears about this!" I told a co-worker about it at the end of a busy day and she said she laughed so hard and loud that her coworkers stopped what they were doing and looked at her.....and it made her day too! The moral of the story is simply this. You never know when a random act in your life touches and brightens another's.
Cheers everyone! The wait for the next post will not be so long! Have a great week!!
G.
So in November I filmed my speaking role in the movie Wolf Cop. What an awesome time I had being on set of a high budget film. I had my own dressing room....the food was fantastic....it went by way too fast. But what an experience! It will be coming to Canadian Cineplex theaters in April so make sure you go see this fun film.
And as for my health crisis, I can absolutely say that I am fully functional again. Still got some swelling but that mostly comes after I've exercised. I won't bore you with that recap so lets move on to the next adventure.
I am happy to announce that I have started filming my pitching trailer for the movie I wrote called Oblivious. What a great experience I am having. I have a great crew and from what I see the public is starting to gain some interest in this thriller. Stay tuned for more details! Lots of surprises ahead!
Now, as always, a funny story that happened to me and how it relates to human connection.
Since my last posting there have been mass shootings, natural disasters, and many human triumphs. When you hear those stories, do you ever wonder what you were doing when these things actually happened? I know that in this world of the interweeb (on purpose...) that we hear of what is happening out there in minutes instead of hours. Its a sign of the times. I really need to ask you one question. What were you doing at 7:45 am (Saskatchewan time) on Thursday January 30th? I was standing in line waiting for coffee.
As many Canadians can profess, we all line up for our favorite cup of coffee from Tim Horton's. For those of you that aren't aware, Tim Horton's would be the Canadian version of Starbucks....just not as expensive and the best coffee ever. Just sayin! Their coffee is very good....sometimes addicting. I was getting my usual morning bagel and coffee and rushed out and got into my car. This is where the story gets funny. As I was getting ready to place my cup of coffee into the cup holder, I thought to myself when I glanced over towards the passenger seat "How did that blanket and blue extension cord get in my car?" And then I asked myself "What is that flowery thing hanging on my rearview mirror?" And then I thought to myself when "Where is my F&@$ing stick shift?" A million thoughts ran through my head. I thought I had jumped into the twilight zone. I actually thought something was wrong and I am sure the utter look of confusion and bewilderment would have made such a great picture. It suddenly dawned on me that I WAS IN THE WRONG CAR!!!! How does this happen? Well, I'll tell you. The car was the same make and model of car I had....even the same color! The only different is that this car was the sedan version and I have a hatchback.
So, in a very concerned but comedic way, I got of the stranger's car. Now the reason I even approached this car was not only because it looked the same but mine was blocked from site two stalls over by a big white SUV. There was a woman sitting in it with her daughter. She watched as I got out of that car shaking my head with a huge grin on my face. As I was going around the front of the SUV I looked up and saw the woman's look of confusion as to why I was doing what I was doing. I gestured towards my actual car and then she looked at the one I just left and she immediately started laughing so hard I am sure she peed herself. She unrolled her window and said that I made her day. As a matter of fact I am sure I was the subject of coffee break banter and perhaps a dinner party story as well. Its one of the funniest and surreal situations I have ever been in.
This situation really drives home the fact that we touch people's lives more than we know. The fact that this woman, who could have been having a very bad morning, told me I made her day really made me relax about the situation. I didn't get sucked into another dimension. Life is so spur of the moment that when situations arise like the one I went through, it slows it down even it is only a few minutes. It really drives home the need to slow our world down and connect to other humans. Even though it was at the expense of my confusion, all three of us shared a very funny moment that made all involved feel good. And laughter is exactly what made us feel good.
I drove to work with a huge smile on my face thinking "Wait until everyone hears about this!" I told a co-worker about it at the end of a busy day and she said she laughed so hard and loud that her coworkers stopped what they were doing and looked at her.....and it made her day too! The moral of the story is simply this. You never know when a random act in your life touches and brightens another's.
Cheers everyone! The wait for the next post will not be so long! Have a great week!!
G.
Saturday, 26 October 2013
The "Wolf Cop" journey begins.....
Greetings! Isn't it funny how life changes as fast as it does. I remember when my son was born back in 1998. When I think about it I can remember every detail and that was over 15 years ago. The fact that the last 3 years my life has been a blur is an understatement. I have done so many different things during this time that my friends constantly remind me of all the things that I have accomplished. To me, they are just things I do that make me happy. As always, I am constantly pushing the limits, doing new things, advancing my film career knowing that I need to learn more. Its mind boggling to think about all the lessons and realizations I have gone through. The evidence is in the type of acting roles I get or how my scripts unfold when I am writing. Things are definitely advancing and life is on the brink of getting even more exciting.
So I have wonderful news. There was a group of Saskatchewan film makers that entered a film competition called the Cinecoup Accelerator. 90 film projects in total competed with Wolf Cop. It was written by Saskatchewan artist, Writer/Director Lowell Dean. He is a well known director here in Saskatchewan and I have had the pleasure of working with him on a couple of projects a year or so ago. To make a long story short, the group that ran the Wolf Cop project won the competition which meant that they now have a million dollar production budget and guaranteed screenings on 2600 Cineplex screens (don't quote me on this as it could be more...) across Canada. Well Wolf Cop won the completion and I am pleased to announce that I will be appearing in this movie. Its a small role but I have lines in the film. And the fact that I play a tough thug in this movie is also pretty cool too. Playing a bad guy role seems to be very typical for me. I've played a meth addict, a futuristic drug addict, and a killer in the movies I have acted in. I took a workshop with a very good acting coach back in Feb and he taught me that as an actor, I needed to sell my brand or in other words what I was really good at. My brand is bad guy. I play thug very well apparently according to the students at the Saskatchewan Police College. The various scenarios and the students expectation that when they are in my scenario that they have to bring their A game....otherwise the actor in me has fun. Maybe that's why I am playing a thug role in Wolf Cop. The many scenarios I have acted in have prepared me for this moment.
I am very excited about this chance for many reasons. Its my first chance of being in a big budget film with lines. And even though its a small role, it helps with the bigger pictures. And there is always a chance that my look or the way I act out my character may attract the attention of another director or producer. Its definitely another credit to add to my list of accomplishments. This is going to be a fun shoot!
Now to some people, the small role may not seem like much, but to me it is. I earned that spot. Its another learning experience and one more step closer to doing what I love. Its a good way to gauge if I am going in the right direction. I wouldn't want to make the mistake of pursuing something that perhaps I was shouldn't be doing. Landing this role showed me that the learning I did to prepare for auditions had sunk in. This is now the second feature movie that I have been cast in the last 2 years. A year ago it was Bread Thieves (www.breadthievesthemovie.com). The stuff I learned from doing that movie definitely helped me land the role for Wolf Cop. I am totally honored to have been chosen for this role. I really look forward to telling you about my experience on set. If you would like to find out more about Wolf Cop and the journey the production as taken to get to this point, please go to http://archive.cinecoup.com/wolfcop.html and see how the concept went through the competition. To follow the progress of production as the movie is being filmed go to the official site at http://wolfcop.com/ Filming starts tomorrow Oct 27th.
My other feature film Bread Thieves is scheduled to be out soon. Stay tuned for more information about that film as well.
Have a great week!
G.
So I have wonderful news. There was a group of Saskatchewan film makers that entered a film competition called the Cinecoup Accelerator. 90 film projects in total competed with Wolf Cop. It was written by Saskatchewan artist, Writer/Director Lowell Dean. He is a well known director here in Saskatchewan and I have had the pleasure of working with him on a couple of projects a year or so ago. To make a long story short, the group that ran the Wolf Cop project won the competition which meant that they now have a million dollar production budget and guaranteed screenings on 2600 Cineplex screens (don't quote me on this as it could be more...) across Canada. Well Wolf Cop won the completion and I am pleased to announce that I will be appearing in this movie. Its a small role but I have lines in the film. And the fact that I play a tough thug in this movie is also pretty cool too. Playing a bad guy role seems to be very typical for me. I've played a meth addict, a futuristic drug addict, and a killer in the movies I have acted in. I took a workshop with a very good acting coach back in Feb and he taught me that as an actor, I needed to sell my brand or in other words what I was really good at. My brand is bad guy. I play thug very well apparently according to the students at the Saskatchewan Police College. The various scenarios and the students expectation that when they are in my scenario that they have to bring their A game....otherwise the actor in me has fun. Maybe that's why I am playing a thug role in Wolf Cop. The many scenarios I have acted in have prepared me for this moment.
I am very excited about this chance for many reasons. Its my first chance of being in a big budget film with lines. And even though its a small role, it helps with the bigger pictures. And there is always a chance that my look or the way I act out my character may attract the attention of another director or producer. Its definitely another credit to add to my list of accomplishments. This is going to be a fun shoot!
Now to some people, the small role may not seem like much, but to me it is. I earned that spot. Its another learning experience and one more step closer to doing what I love. Its a good way to gauge if I am going in the right direction. I wouldn't want to make the mistake of pursuing something that perhaps I was shouldn't be doing. Landing this role showed me that the learning I did to prepare for auditions had sunk in. This is now the second feature movie that I have been cast in the last 2 years. A year ago it was Bread Thieves (www.breadthievesthemovie.com). The stuff I learned from doing that movie definitely helped me land the role for Wolf Cop. I am totally honored to have been chosen for this role. I really look forward to telling you about my experience on set. If you would like to find out more about Wolf Cop and the journey the production as taken to get to this point, please go to http://archive.cinecoup.com/wolfcop.html and see how the concept went through the competition. To follow the progress of production as the movie is being filmed go to the official site at http://wolfcop.com/ Filming starts tomorrow Oct 27th.
My other feature film Bread Thieves is scheduled to be out soon. Stay tuned for more information about that film as well.
Have a great week!
G.
Monday, 14 October 2013
Health Crisis 2013: Bacteria...the scourge of humanity
Greetings everyone. I hope this posting finds you in great spirits as well as health.
Health. We take it for granted sometimes. I mean, if we see a speeding truck we instinctually take the initial action of jumping out of the way. I'm talking about how we take for granted we will not get sick until we get sick. We go throughout our day not even thinking about what is out there that could harm us. I can't say I blame humans for being this way. When we feel good we just go about our lives. Three weeks ago I had one of those health scares that knocked me on my butt and made me slow my life down to a halt.
It started out on a Saturday. I woke up, had breakfast, went and worked out. Just a normal Saturday. After working out I came home, ate lunch and decided to have an afternoon nap. When I woke up I felt achy, almost like I was being hit by the flu. I forced myself to eat later that night and that was when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went to bed early and didn't get out of bed all day the next day. It wasn't until later that Sunday night that I showed my mom my leg. She's a nurse and when she looked at my leg, which was getting extremely red and puffy, she and immediately said I should go to the hospital. So I went.
I am grateful for the health care system we have in Canada. The downside to it is the long waits in hospital emergency rooms. This particular night was very busy for this particular ER. I was there for 3 1/2 hours, feeling totally ill with a sore lower right leg. To me it looked like an allergic reaction. That being said that I must note that I don't have any allergies. So I was very nervous to say the least. After that 3 hour wait I then decided to just go home and see a doctor the next day.
The next day, I saw the doctor. This MD looked at my leg, said it was an infection called "cellulitis," and she immediately put my on some powerful antibiotics. I went home, took my medicine like a good boy until I realized the next day that this so called bacteria was now tracking up my leg. I then went to a different hospital hoping the wait was less. My leg was a real mess. Red, swollen, and excruciatingly painful. Every time I went from laying down to sitting/standing up made my leg feel like a million spikes were being driven down through my leg towards my foot. No word of a lie, it was the most severe pain I have ever felt in my entire life.
The doctor I saw in the hospital ER (I was seen almost immediately) immediately changed my meds and ordered an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any clots. My leg was very swollen. As you can see this was turning into quite the nightmare. I had my ultrasound, no clots but they immediately put me on an IV antibiotic that I had to go back and get administered once a day for 6 days.
This was the most sick I have ever been in my life. I really did feel like dying. It was so debilitating. It turned my life upside down and slowed it to a halt. But then, like everything else that ever happens to me, I started thinking to myself at how grateful I was to have all the things I have going for me. I have a job at a company that allows me to take the time to heal myself. I also have a phenomenal group of friends that worried about me and are cheering me on to recovery. I'm being told by the doctors that it will take me up to 3 months to fully recover from what it took this bacteria 3 days to damage. So now I have to endure leg wraps every three days for 2 weeks and then special pressure stockings for 2 months after that. I never once thought that I would have been effected in this way by anything. Its all because I was feeling good. I worked out 4 days a week, I didn't smoke, I ate well, I didn't have any major stresses to bog me down. To go from that to having to prioritize creditors because now I have an illness and have more expenses...you get the picture.
This brings me to the second part of my post. The more I talked about my illness, which I had to explain it to people because I was cancelling out on acting engagements and having time all this time off from work, the more I found out that more people I knew have had this illness. It was more common than a cold in some instances. But why don't people talk about it? I mean, here I was in the midst of a health crisis where, from the research I did, could turn into meningitis, flesh eating disease, coma inducing infections. I could have even lost my leg! It was like 6 degrees of separation through illness. I was shocked that I never heard of any of my friends actually getting this awful sickness until I talked about it. I was expecting shocked looks when I was actually seeing heads nod with understanding.
I am grateful that the survival rate of this illness is high. It knocks us down, expects us to neglect what is happening while making us seriously sick. One thing I can personally say is that it didn't break my spirit. When I was in the midst of feeling ill, I kept on thinking about everything that made me feel good. My son, my family, my friends, my job, my acting, my writing....and the list goes on. Thinking about having all these positives in my life made me put a sense of urgency into making sure I was getting the care I needed. I have lots to live for and I have had a lot of people tell me they were worried. How can I not get better with that kind of support?
I'm on the mend now. 2 weeks of special compression leg wraps and then 2 months of the "special stocking" It would be hoped that I should be back to normal after all that. This whole situation has left me with a sense of being thankful I have had the ability to do all the things I do. It made me appreciate that I have been feeling good enough to do all these things as well it humbled me to know it can be taken away at a moments notice.
That's the underlining moral of this story. Never take for granted all that is positive that you have surrounded yourself with. Support the people that support you and embrace the things that you cherish. Life is very fragile.
Have a great week everyone and Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians!
G.
Health. We take it for granted sometimes. I mean, if we see a speeding truck we instinctually take the initial action of jumping out of the way. I'm talking about how we take for granted we will not get sick until we get sick. We go throughout our day not even thinking about what is out there that could harm us. I can't say I blame humans for being this way. When we feel good we just go about our lives. Three weeks ago I had one of those health scares that knocked me on my butt and made me slow my life down to a halt.
It started out on a Saturday. I woke up, had breakfast, went and worked out. Just a normal Saturday. After working out I came home, ate lunch and decided to have an afternoon nap. When I woke up I felt achy, almost like I was being hit by the flu. I forced myself to eat later that night and that was when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went to bed early and didn't get out of bed all day the next day. It wasn't until later that Sunday night that I showed my mom my leg. She's a nurse and when she looked at my leg, which was getting extremely red and puffy, she and immediately said I should go to the hospital. So I went.
I am grateful for the health care system we have in Canada. The downside to it is the long waits in hospital emergency rooms. This particular night was very busy for this particular ER. I was there for 3 1/2 hours, feeling totally ill with a sore lower right leg. To me it looked like an allergic reaction. That being said that I must note that I don't have any allergies. So I was very nervous to say the least. After that 3 hour wait I then decided to just go home and see a doctor the next day.
The next day, I saw the doctor. This MD looked at my leg, said it was an infection called "cellulitis," and she immediately put my on some powerful antibiotics. I went home, took my medicine like a good boy until I realized the next day that this so called bacteria was now tracking up my leg. I then went to a different hospital hoping the wait was less. My leg was a real mess. Red, swollen, and excruciatingly painful. Every time I went from laying down to sitting/standing up made my leg feel like a million spikes were being driven down through my leg towards my foot. No word of a lie, it was the most severe pain I have ever felt in my entire life.
The doctor I saw in the hospital ER (I was seen almost immediately) immediately changed my meds and ordered an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any clots. My leg was very swollen. As you can see this was turning into quite the nightmare. I had my ultrasound, no clots but they immediately put me on an IV antibiotic that I had to go back and get administered once a day for 6 days.
This was the most sick I have ever been in my life. I really did feel like dying. It was so debilitating. It turned my life upside down and slowed it to a halt. But then, like everything else that ever happens to me, I started thinking to myself at how grateful I was to have all the things I have going for me. I have a job at a company that allows me to take the time to heal myself. I also have a phenomenal group of friends that worried about me and are cheering me on to recovery. I'm being told by the doctors that it will take me up to 3 months to fully recover from what it took this bacteria 3 days to damage. So now I have to endure leg wraps every three days for 2 weeks and then special pressure stockings for 2 months after that. I never once thought that I would have been effected in this way by anything. Its all because I was feeling good. I worked out 4 days a week, I didn't smoke, I ate well, I didn't have any major stresses to bog me down. To go from that to having to prioritize creditors because now I have an illness and have more expenses...you get the picture.
This brings me to the second part of my post. The more I talked about my illness, which I had to explain it to people because I was cancelling out on acting engagements and having time all this time off from work, the more I found out that more people I knew have had this illness. It was more common than a cold in some instances. But why don't people talk about it? I mean, here I was in the midst of a health crisis where, from the research I did, could turn into meningitis, flesh eating disease, coma inducing infections. I could have even lost my leg! It was like 6 degrees of separation through illness. I was shocked that I never heard of any of my friends actually getting this awful sickness until I talked about it. I was expecting shocked looks when I was actually seeing heads nod with understanding.
I am grateful that the survival rate of this illness is high. It knocks us down, expects us to neglect what is happening while making us seriously sick. One thing I can personally say is that it didn't break my spirit. When I was in the midst of feeling ill, I kept on thinking about everything that made me feel good. My son, my family, my friends, my job, my acting, my writing....and the list goes on. Thinking about having all these positives in my life made me put a sense of urgency into making sure I was getting the care I needed. I have lots to live for and I have had a lot of people tell me they were worried. How can I not get better with that kind of support?
I'm on the mend now. 2 weeks of special compression leg wraps and then 2 months of the "special stocking" It would be hoped that I should be back to normal after all that. This whole situation has left me with a sense of being thankful I have had the ability to do all the things I do. It made me appreciate that I have been feeling good enough to do all these things as well it humbled me to know it can be taken away at a moments notice.
That's the underlining moral of this story. Never take for granted all that is positive that you have surrounded yourself with. Support the people that support you and embrace the things that you cherish. Life is very fragile.
Have a great week everyone and Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians!
G.
Saturday, 28 September 2013
The law of attraction, fate, and the life pendulum curve ball
Greetings everyone! I hope you are reading this post with a smile in your heart.
Life is funny. We all have hopes and dreams. Goals and aspirations. We grow up wanting to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts. We dream about it. Sometimes we eat and sleep these aspirations. But as humans are programmed to be this way, it seems that we almost always tend to overlook the one thing that controls our destiny.....Fate. Some people believe in Fate exclusively. They think it controls everything. My take on it is that fate feeds off of the energy we send out. If you are in a dark place emotionally, negative things get thrown our way. If we are in a good place great things come our way...or so it seems. That's where the pendulum wreaks havoc and sometimes throws fate a curve ball.
There are a lot of things we have yet to understand about our existence. Centuries ago, we used to think that everything revolved around the Earth and that it was flat and that we would fall off the edge if we went too far. We now know that is not science fact. We now know our universe is a vast expanse populated with a whole bunch of questions marks. We are just starting to learn our potential and how it pertains to this universe as a whole. Its very mind boggling to think of how complex our reality is. I really feel our life is controlled by three elements. 1) The energy we put out, 2) Fate, 3) The "Life Pendulum.
I think, for the most part, that most people know about how the power of attraction uses the energy we pipe out into the world to determine what gets thrown back. I can attest to that. I practice daily on how to turn my negative situations into ones that I direct into positive outcomes. I never swear at that @&%!ing "you-know-who" that just cut me off on the road. The Fate element deals primarily on how, through a series of events, we meet people or how certain situations manifest themselves in our life. Its the life pendulum that is the element that is often over looked. It has two parts: The negative backswing and the Positive upswing.
When I look back over the years I can see how my life has taken turns for the worse as well as the good. I ignored these cycles swings. Because we are a "fast food" society where everything seems to be better when its faster, we tend to get impatient when the "life pendulum" doesn't keep up. My life experience and how I have lived it is a prime example. The fact is it will never keep up with what society wants. Its controlled by fate and by the energy we send out. My pendulum swings very slowly and I am very thankful for that because it makes me the person I am today. We need to accept the negative backswings as a means to learn who we are and what we are capable of. We all have the ability to make things right in our world through perseverance and the drive to make things better. But because the pendulum moves slowly, we tend to ignore it and focus on the bad things that happen to us. I was in that frame of mind for most of my life until I finally figured out that in the order for me to have a positive life I had to change my frame of mind as well recognize that patience was needed to deal with the pendulum.
I can totally see when my life started its upswing. It was in 2000. My grandma had just passed away, my wife had left me and had taken my son with her the next day. Seems pretty negative. My son also had an eating disorder that we were dealing with.....and I also didn't have a car. Sounds like a country song waiting to happen doesn't it? We walked or took the bus everywhere. I had a landlord that moved us around 3 times in one month. It was a very hard time indeed. But something was different when I look back at those dark times. I didn't see it at the time but deep down inside something was stirring inside of me. It was the drive for a better outcome to my life. I focused on my son's feeding issues. Once positive progress had been made with him, then a car manifested itself into my life which opened the door to better employment. I had a few lapses where my positive outcome goals were overwhelmed with people and situations that had negativity attached to them. I worked through all that and basically started purging people that had been trying to manipulate me through their negative influences. I avoided the negative situations that would sometimes pull me in. My son thrived, my employment opportunities got better, and my life lessons started sticking. Four years ago it all came to a head where I made the decision to start making my life better because I wanted to. I got into acting, which lead to writing...which lead to stand up comedy...which lead to a new car...which lead to....get the picture? The fact is, that when the upswing starts things really start happening. I feel now that my life is full of positive energy that is slowing down the pendulum upswing so that I can savor it...allow it to "catch up" and get me to where I want to be in my life. Currently fate is also acting in a positive way in my life. Now its putting the people I need to help me get to the next level into my life. I am making new and strong friendships. My film contacts are there....my script writing is now being recognized (more announcements about that next week....). Life is awesome for me!
I want to encourage all who read my blog regularly to try and recognize and change all that influences your life in a negative way. Your frame of mind is paramount to bringing in the right elements that make life fulfilling. Once you start forcing that change in mindset, it allows that pendulum to start its upswing. And from there, the sky is the limit....or so it seems!
Have a great week everyone! Cheers!
G.
Life is funny. We all have hopes and dreams. Goals and aspirations. We grow up wanting to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts. We dream about it. Sometimes we eat and sleep these aspirations. But as humans are programmed to be this way, it seems that we almost always tend to overlook the one thing that controls our destiny.....Fate. Some people believe in Fate exclusively. They think it controls everything. My take on it is that fate feeds off of the energy we send out. If you are in a dark place emotionally, negative things get thrown our way. If we are in a good place great things come our way...or so it seems. That's where the pendulum wreaks havoc and sometimes throws fate a curve ball.
There are a lot of things we have yet to understand about our existence. Centuries ago, we used to think that everything revolved around the Earth and that it was flat and that we would fall off the edge if we went too far. We now know that is not science fact. We now know our universe is a vast expanse populated with a whole bunch of questions marks. We are just starting to learn our potential and how it pertains to this universe as a whole. Its very mind boggling to think of how complex our reality is. I really feel our life is controlled by three elements. 1) The energy we put out, 2) Fate, 3) The "Life Pendulum.
I think, for the most part, that most people know about how the power of attraction uses the energy we pipe out into the world to determine what gets thrown back. I can attest to that. I practice daily on how to turn my negative situations into ones that I direct into positive outcomes. I never swear at that @&%!ing "you-know-who" that just cut me off on the road. The Fate element deals primarily on how, through a series of events, we meet people or how certain situations manifest themselves in our life. Its the life pendulum that is the element that is often over looked. It has two parts: The negative backswing and the Positive upswing.
When I look back over the years I can see how my life has taken turns for the worse as well as the good. I ignored these cycles swings. Because we are a "fast food" society where everything seems to be better when its faster, we tend to get impatient when the "life pendulum" doesn't keep up. My life experience and how I have lived it is a prime example. The fact is it will never keep up with what society wants. Its controlled by fate and by the energy we send out. My pendulum swings very slowly and I am very thankful for that because it makes me the person I am today. We need to accept the negative backswings as a means to learn who we are and what we are capable of. We all have the ability to make things right in our world through perseverance and the drive to make things better. But because the pendulum moves slowly, we tend to ignore it and focus on the bad things that happen to us. I was in that frame of mind for most of my life until I finally figured out that in the order for me to have a positive life I had to change my frame of mind as well recognize that patience was needed to deal with the pendulum.
I can totally see when my life started its upswing. It was in 2000. My grandma had just passed away, my wife had left me and had taken my son with her the next day. Seems pretty negative. My son also had an eating disorder that we were dealing with.....and I also didn't have a car. Sounds like a country song waiting to happen doesn't it? We walked or took the bus everywhere. I had a landlord that moved us around 3 times in one month. It was a very hard time indeed. But something was different when I look back at those dark times. I didn't see it at the time but deep down inside something was stirring inside of me. It was the drive for a better outcome to my life. I focused on my son's feeding issues. Once positive progress had been made with him, then a car manifested itself into my life which opened the door to better employment. I had a few lapses where my positive outcome goals were overwhelmed with people and situations that had negativity attached to them. I worked through all that and basically started purging people that had been trying to manipulate me through their negative influences. I avoided the negative situations that would sometimes pull me in. My son thrived, my employment opportunities got better, and my life lessons started sticking. Four years ago it all came to a head where I made the decision to start making my life better because I wanted to. I got into acting, which lead to writing...which lead to stand up comedy...which lead to a new car...which lead to....get the picture? The fact is, that when the upswing starts things really start happening. I feel now that my life is full of positive energy that is slowing down the pendulum upswing so that I can savor it...allow it to "catch up" and get me to where I want to be in my life. Currently fate is also acting in a positive way in my life. Now its putting the people I need to help me get to the next level into my life. I am making new and strong friendships. My film contacts are there....my script writing is now being recognized (more announcements about that next week....). Life is awesome for me!
I want to encourage all who read my blog regularly to try and recognize and change all that influences your life in a negative way. Your frame of mind is paramount to bringing in the right elements that make life fulfilling. Once you start forcing that change in mindset, it allows that pendulum to start its upswing. And from there, the sky is the limit....or so it seems!
Have a great week everyone! Cheers!
G.
Monday, 2 September 2013
Guest Blog: Empowerment: Choosing Happiness
Greetings everyone! I know, I know, this is quite unorthodox. Two posts in three days? There is a good reason for this. This post was written by a very dear friend of mine that is one of the most amazing people I know. Believe me, she says I am brave from all the things I do...but to know my dear friend Red Bird is to know exactly what courage and bravery really means. We met in highschool and became the best of friends instantly. She was the first school friend to ever remember my birthday and she even gave me a present. I still have the book....Stephen King's Eye of the Dragon. Its these little gestures that she is known for that go along with that contagious smile of hers. Other than the fact that she said I had an "apple ass" in school (I still don't get it...its more ass shaped if you assk me) I trust this woman. She really gets life and has a very unique way of explaining it. She references her blog in this post....please read it. Its has been an amazing journey my dear friend has been on and it really brings home the human condition. But enough of the mushy stuff.....I give you my dear friend Red Bird from the blog Am I lost:
Empowerment: Choosing Happiness
Empowerment: Choosing Happiness
I’m a blogger. I blog. It’s what I do.
I’m a talker. I talk. It’s what I do.
Basically, I communicate. It’s what I’m good at, but, with that said, this funny thing has happened lately; while I talk incessantly, and I communicate ad nauseum, I don’t blog anymore. It seems that I have lost the “Je ne sais quoi” that led me to an almost exasperating need to document, to legitimize my every feeling via my laptop keyboard. I have lost my writing Mojo.
So, dear friend, when you asked me to guest blog for you, it took me FOREVER to get around to doing it, didn’t it?! You did, after all, first shoot out the idea months ago. Despite the fact that you wrote a guest piece for my blog ( http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2012/11/life-happens-wear-helmet.html ), I still failed to come up with a piece for you in return. Finally, out of shame in response to your most recent request for me to get a move on it(though you termed it more politely!), I pulled out the lap top, fired it up, and did more than just stare at my word processor and then switch to Netflix - I started writing!
Why have I stopped writing? There are several reasons, I suspect: lack of interest, pure laziness and overwork among a few, yes, but, more importantly because…and get ready for this because this might be an odd answer…because I’m HAPPY!
When you take a creative writing class, the first, and perhaps most obvious, lesson you learn is to “write what you know about”. With that in mind, my blog is an outlet for my “knowledge”. As a Mom of an Autistic child, I write about pain, indecision, loss, fear. I write about my struggles, her struggles, and the struggles of my family. Basically, I bounce my thoughts off of my readers in the hopes that what will bounce back will be understanding, empathy and encouragement.
…because I’m HAPPY
When I was younger - a wild and crazy teen and young adult - I thought happy meant laughing, partying, being the centre of attention. As an adult, I thought it was something I should aspire to and strive for, something I should find the meaning of, something everyone, but me, had.
Then, one day recently, I was sitting on the couch, snuggling my puppy, drinking coffee, watching a movie, and it came to me; I’m happy. That one moment in time, snuggling with the puppy left me feeling peaceful and content - like all was “right” in my world. I discovered, in that moment, that happiness is a moment where you’re not striving, when you are content in your skin and in your reality.
How could I be “happy” when nothing had changed in my life? My child was still Autistic and I was still an overtired, overworked single mother trying to make my way in the world without being dependant on people around me. What can be good about those circumstances? What had changed, interestingly, was my bullshit attitude that happiness is an abstract concept, and not my situation. I realized, finally, that happiness is a state of mind. It is not an absence of sadness, as I misguidedly thought, but rather, an acceptance of sadness and hardship and an agreement with yourself to still be grateful for your life, and your blessings.
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”
-Lucille Ball
My world, for all its flaws and pain and heartache was going to be alright, I realized, because I’m capable of making it alright and in that moment, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and puppy kisses I understood:” happy” is realizing, and accepting, and feeling gratitude for yourself and all that you can do and be. It’s not laughter or the absence of pain; it’s the beauty of moments that fill you with peace.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
-Carl Jung
I’d discovered peace that day.
This discovery left me so wide open that I felt empowered and, I suspect, because of that revelation, left me capable of handling what was going to come next…a beautiful man who was about to knock me off of my feet and make me feel something I had never felt before: unabashed contentment. In return, in my revelation, I know I can give him the same.
In the end, we need to challenge what we think “happy” means. We need to challenge how we find it, where we find it and what we think it should look like. Most importantly, I think we have to stop looking for it. “Happiness” is not a hunt; it’s not a journey, but a state of being. I’m going to kiss each of my beautiful children, I’m going to smile at my ex-husband and let him off of the hook for being human and I’m going to ask nothing more of my new love than that he be as content, and as giving and honest, with me as I am going to be with him. You Glenn, I’m going to continue to remind on a regular basis that I love you because you figuratively held my hand through some very painful moments, old friend. Together, we shall revel in “happy” and I look forward to being interested in writing for my own blog again someday soon.
I’m a talker. I talk. It’s what I do.
Basically, I communicate. It’s what I’m good at, but, with that said, this funny thing has happened lately; while I talk incessantly, and I communicate ad nauseum, I don’t blog anymore. It seems that I have lost the “Je ne sais quoi” that led me to an almost exasperating need to document, to legitimize my every feeling via my laptop keyboard. I have lost my writing Mojo.
So, dear friend, when you asked me to guest blog for you, it took me FOREVER to get around to doing it, didn’t it?! You did, after all, first shoot out the idea months ago. Despite the fact that you wrote a guest piece for my blog ( http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2012/11/life-happens-wear-helmet.html ), I still failed to come up with a piece for you in return. Finally, out of shame in response to your most recent request for me to get a move on it(though you termed it more politely!), I pulled out the lap top, fired it up, and did more than just stare at my word processor and then switch to Netflix - I started writing!
Why have I stopped writing? There are several reasons, I suspect: lack of interest, pure laziness and overwork among a few, yes, but, more importantly because…and get ready for this because this might be an odd answer…because I’m HAPPY!
When you take a creative writing class, the first, and perhaps most obvious, lesson you learn is to “write what you know about”. With that in mind, my blog is an outlet for my “knowledge”. As a Mom of an Autistic child, I write about pain, indecision, loss, fear. I write about my struggles, her struggles, and the struggles of my family. Basically, I bounce my thoughts off of my readers in the hopes that what will bounce back will be understanding, empathy and encouragement.
…because I’m HAPPY
hap·py
/ˈhapē/
Adjective
| |
Synonyms
|
When I was younger - a wild and crazy teen and young adult - I thought happy meant laughing, partying, being the centre of attention. As an adult, I thought it was something I should aspire to and strive for, something I should find the meaning of, something everyone, but me, had.
Then, one day recently, I was sitting on the couch, snuggling my puppy, drinking coffee, watching a movie, and it came to me; I’m happy. That one moment in time, snuggling with the puppy left me feeling peaceful and content - like all was “right” in my world. I discovered, in that moment, that happiness is a moment where you’re not striving, when you are content in your skin and in your reality.
How could I be “happy” when nothing had changed in my life? My child was still Autistic and I was still an overtired, overworked single mother trying to make my way in the world without being dependant on people around me. What can be good about those circumstances? What had changed, interestingly, was my bullshit attitude that happiness is an abstract concept, and not my situation. I realized, finally, that happiness is a state of mind. It is not an absence of sadness, as I misguidedly thought, but rather, an acceptance of sadness and hardship and an agreement with yourself to still be grateful for your life, and your blessings.
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”
-Lucille Ball
My world, for all its flaws and pain and heartache was going to be alright, I realized, because I’m capable of making it alright and in that moment, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and puppy kisses I understood:” happy” is realizing, and accepting, and feeling gratitude for yourself and all that you can do and be. It’s not laughter or the absence of pain; it’s the beauty of moments that fill you with peace.
Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
-Carl Jung
I’d discovered peace that day.
This discovery left me so wide open that I felt empowered and, I suspect, because of that revelation, left me capable of handling what was going to come next…a beautiful man who was about to knock me off of my feet and make me feel something I had never felt before: unabashed contentment. In return, in my revelation, I know I can give him the same.
In the end, we need to challenge what we think “happy” means. We need to challenge how we find it, where we find it and what we think it should look like. Most importantly, I think we have to stop looking for it. “Happiness” is not a hunt; it’s not a journey, but a state of being. I’m going to kiss each of my beautiful children, I’m going to smile at my ex-husband and let him off of the hook for being human and I’m going to ask nothing more of my new love than that he be as content, and as giving and honest, with me as I am going to be with him. You Glenn, I’m going to continue to remind on a regular basis that I love you because you figuratively held my hand through some very painful moments, old friend. Together, we shall revel in “happy” and I look forward to being interested in writing for my own blog again someday soon.
Saturday, 31 August 2013
Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs
Greetings everyone! I hope your weekend is going well! I just finished moving so to say I am very relaxed right now is an understatement. With coffee in hand, I shall begin this week's blog.
We, as humans, all have milestones in our lives that we like to mark. Some of them are happy ones like birthdays and wedding anniversaries, the date we first kissed the love of our life. Even the passing of a loved one is part of that mix because of how it strikes us emotionally. Milestones are what we also gauge our success by. I have had a few of those over the last 4 years since I started this journey but none of those milestones can compare to the date that I went smoke free. It was one 26 years in the making and it saved my life...literally and figuratively. It was the catalyst that really started this whole journey of self discovery and fulfillment.
I started smoking when I was 14 in July of 1984. To say that at 14 that I was a rebellious teen would be an understatement. My parents were separated so the fact that single parent kids have lots of time on their hands and have many chances to make wrong decisions based on acceptance is very well known. Two of my friends showed up at my door one night and invited me to go out for a bike ride. So I did. We went to my summer vacated school yard, took out a pack of smokes and handed me a cigarette. I told them I didn't smoke but they said that they did and that chicks think its cool. So, I put that smoke in my mouth and lit it up. My friends were very quick to show me the proper way to inhale. They knew when I faked it because I would cough til my face went red when I did inhale and when I didn't and just let the smoke out of my mouth they called me on it and told me to take another drag. Can't waste a cigarette. Then came the smoke ring lessons. It took me a total of 2 days to become accustomed to inhaling cigarette smoke. I also lived in a time where not only did cigarettes cost $2 a pack but they would also sell them to almost anybody, including 5 year old kids with a note. Its really funny how the attitude was back then. It was cool to smoke. Little did I realize that at the ripe old age of 14 that I was about to embark on a 26 year love-hate full blown addiction to nicotine and that would change the course of my life in many ways.
At 14 I was very involved in music and drama. I sang since I was 8, played piano, and acted in musicals since I was in grade 6. When I started smoking, it made my voice change more dramatic. I sang tenor up until then. It took a whole summer of smoking to change my voice from tenor to base. I had to be reevaluated in my vocal jazz class because of this shift. It was evident that smoking wasn't a good thing. But how could I not continue? My parents both smoked so why can't I? I not only decided to continue smoking, but I also embarked on a journey of covert sneakiness which included hiding the fact that I smoked just because I was too chicken to test out the theory that I could use the "you smoke why can't I" remark to guilt my parents into letting me smoke. I was also starting something that I couldn't afford. So far three marks against smoking and I was already ignoring the little angel on my shoulder telling me not to. Sigh...
The rest of my life, up until three years ago, involved smoking. I would have one when I woke up, one on my way to work, during my coffee breaks, before and after lunch. I'm sure you get the point. Its phenomenal to think about how many ways this nasty habit gets a hold of us. I am sitting here writing this and I just realized that I only dated smokers throughout my adult life. I mean, who else would tolerate the smell of stale smoke in the house and cars, in your hair and clothes. The coughing and that little #&!*ing wheeze you hear when you were trying to go to sleep. There is nothing positive that comes from smoking.
On August 22nd 2010, my girlfriend at the time decided to quit. I told her I would let her quit first and then I would quit when her nicotine rage subsided. It became apparent very quickly that my expertise on this subject was very limited, even nil at best. The plain fact was that I had attempted to quit many times over the preceding 26 years so what made me an expert on the psychology of nicotine addiction? I was a nicotine addict that was in denial and making an excuse not to quit. Throughout my entire smoking life my smokers mentality would always break me down quickly. Every time I wanted to quit, the nicotine addiction put that statement all smokers make when they embark on another quitting journey. "What if I don't have any?" DUH!!! That's why you quit! This question would always pop in my head when I attempted to quit. Yes, all 180 million times and I would answer it with going to buy a pack. So because I smelled of smoke every time I had one it made my girlfriend angry. So in an attempt to not to turn her into the "Estrogen She Hulk," I decided out of fear for my life, that on August 29th I would not smoke either. I used the nicotine patch and would pop a lozenge every time I would feel the urge to smoke. It worked for me from the start.
As life always throws us curve balls, my life is no different. During my journey to being a non smoker my relationship ended. Now we all know how stressful and emotional we get during a break up. Take into account that I still had that smoker's mentality. Smokers are always the first to blame something like stress as a reason to go buy a pack. For some reason this time it was different for me. I decided to work through the stress and keep on with what I was doing. I learned a lot about my personal perseverance. I regained my stubbornness to see things to the end and worked through my addiction. It was very empowering when one day, while at work, I realized that I forgot to put on a patch that morning and had pretty much gone 4 hours without it. I panicked at first but I then realized I had finally won. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Gone now are the days when I would get up at 3 am and drive to get smokes. Gone were the days of hearing that little wheeze when I was trying to go to sleep. Gone are the days that smoking would control my entire life. I don't know how to put in words how empowered and wonderful I felt.
It was learning about my perseverance and drive to succeed at quitting smoking that made me pursue my acting, writing, stand up comedy, etc. Its the drive to feel alive and excited about life that really makes this accomplishment, or rather milestone, really worthwhile. Its a wonderful feeling to say I'm a non-smoker. I have a new car now, I exercise at a gym 4 times a week. I can now smell the sweet smell of spring. Quitting smoking empowers me to always strive to do more and to never waste time doing things that don't make me happy, healthy, and fulfilled. Quitting smoking saved my life......quitting smoking will save yours too! My milestone is that as of August 29th, I have been a non smoker for 3 years and I am never going back. Sometimes I get a whiff of smoke from a passer by who is smoking. It smells good but I then tell myself that if I take one puff of a cigarette I will go down to day zero and have to start counting again. I'm never going back now and I encourage anyone else who struggles with this to quit as well. Learn about your personal perseverance. Get mad at this addiction for controlling your life and mind. Get mad at how it makes you make excuses to go back to it. Get mad for how it prevents you from being happy and healthy and fulfilled.
Thanks for reading my post! Stay tuned for my next entry which will feature a guest blog post from my dear friend Red Bird. She is a cowriter on the blog Am I lost. I am not sure what she is going to write about, but I am sure its not about how to store fruit cake.
Cheers everyone! Until next time!
G.
We, as humans, all have milestones in our lives that we like to mark. Some of them are happy ones like birthdays and wedding anniversaries, the date we first kissed the love of our life. Even the passing of a loved one is part of that mix because of how it strikes us emotionally. Milestones are what we also gauge our success by. I have had a few of those over the last 4 years since I started this journey but none of those milestones can compare to the date that I went smoke free. It was one 26 years in the making and it saved my life...literally and figuratively. It was the catalyst that really started this whole journey of self discovery and fulfillment.
I started smoking when I was 14 in July of 1984. To say that at 14 that I was a rebellious teen would be an understatement. My parents were separated so the fact that single parent kids have lots of time on their hands and have many chances to make wrong decisions based on acceptance is very well known. Two of my friends showed up at my door one night and invited me to go out for a bike ride. So I did. We went to my summer vacated school yard, took out a pack of smokes and handed me a cigarette. I told them I didn't smoke but they said that they did and that chicks think its cool. So, I put that smoke in my mouth and lit it up. My friends were very quick to show me the proper way to inhale. They knew when I faked it because I would cough til my face went red when I did inhale and when I didn't and just let the smoke out of my mouth they called me on it and told me to take another drag. Can't waste a cigarette. Then came the smoke ring lessons. It took me a total of 2 days to become accustomed to inhaling cigarette smoke. I also lived in a time where not only did cigarettes cost $2 a pack but they would also sell them to almost anybody, including 5 year old kids with a note. Its really funny how the attitude was back then. It was cool to smoke. Little did I realize that at the ripe old age of 14 that I was about to embark on a 26 year love-hate full blown addiction to nicotine and that would change the course of my life in many ways.
At 14 I was very involved in music and drama. I sang since I was 8, played piano, and acted in musicals since I was in grade 6. When I started smoking, it made my voice change more dramatic. I sang tenor up until then. It took a whole summer of smoking to change my voice from tenor to base. I had to be reevaluated in my vocal jazz class because of this shift. It was evident that smoking wasn't a good thing. But how could I not continue? My parents both smoked so why can't I? I not only decided to continue smoking, but I also embarked on a journey of covert sneakiness which included hiding the fact that I smoked just because I was too chicken to test out the theory that I could use the "you smoke why can't I" remark to guilt my parents into letting me smoke. I was also starting something that I couldn't afford. So far three marks against smoking and I was already ignoring the little angel on my shoulder telling me not to. Sigh...
The rest of my life, up until three years ago, involved smoking. I would have one when I woke up, one on my way to work, during my coffee breaks, before and after lunch. I'm sure you get the point. Its phenomenal to think about how many ways this nasty habit gets a hold of us. I am sitting here writing this and I just realized that I only dated smokers throughout my adult life. I mean, who else would tolerate the smell of stale smoke in the house and cars, in your hair and clothes. The coughing and that little #&!*ing wheeze you hear when you were trying to go to sleep. There is nothing positive that comes from smoking.
On August 22nd 2010, my girlfriend at the time decided to quit. I told her I would let her quit first and then I would quit when her nicotine rage subsided. It became apparent very quickly that my expertise on this subject was very limited, even nil at best. The plain fact was that I had attempted to quit many times over the preceding 26 years so what made me an expert on the psychology of nicotine addiction? I was a nicotine addict that was in denial and making an excuse not to quit. Throughout my entire smoking life my smokers mentality would always break me down quickly. Every time I wanted to quit, the nicotine addiction put that statement all smokers make when they embark on another quitting journey. "What if I don't have any?" DUH!!! That's why you quit! This question would always pop in my head when I attempted to quit. Yes, all 180 million times and I would answer it with going to buy a pack. So because I smelled of smoke every time I had one it made my girlfriend angry. So in an attempt to not to turn her into the "Estrogen She Hulk," I decided out of fear for my life, that on August 29th I would not smoke either. I used the nicotine patch and would pop a lozenge every time I would feel the urge to smoke. It worked for me from the start.
As life always throws us curve balls, my life is no different. During my journey to being a non smoker my relationship ended. Now we all know how stressful and emotional we get during a break up. Take into account that I still had that smoker's mentality. Smokers are always the first to blame something like stress as a reason to go buy a pack. For some reason this time it was different for me. I decided to work through the stress and keep on with what I was doing. I learned a lot about my personal perseverance. I regained my stubbornness to see things to the end and worked through my addiction. It was very empowering when one day, while at work, I realized that I forgot to put on a patch that morning and had pretty much gone 4 hours without it. I panicked at first but I then realized I had finally won. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Gone now are the days when I would get up at 3 am and drive to get smokes. Gone were the days of hearing that little wheeze when I was trying to go to sleep. Gone are the days that smoking would control my entire life. I don't know how to put in words how empowered and wonderful I felt.
It was learning about my perseverance and drive to succeed at quitting smoking that made me pursue my acting, writing, stand up comedy, etc. Its the drive to feel alive and excited about life that really makes this accomplishment, or rather milestone, really worthwhile. Its a wonderful feeling to say I'm a non-smoker. I have a new car now, I exercise at a gym 4 times a week. I can now smell the sweet smell of spring. Quitting smoking empowers me to always strive to do more and to never waste time doing things that don't make me happy, healthy, and fulfilled. Quitting smoking saved my life......quitting smoking will save yours too! My milestone is that as of August 29th, I have been a non smoker for 3 years and I am never going back. Sometimes I get a whiff of smoke from a passer by who is smoking. It smells good but I then tell myself that if I take one puff of a cigarette I will go down to day zero and have to start counting again. I'm never going back now and I encourage anyone else who struggles with this to quit as well. Learn about your personal perseverance. Get mad at this addiction for controlling your life and mind. Get mad at how it makes you make excuses to go back to it. Get mad for how it prevents you from being happy and healthy and fulfilled.
Thanks for reading my post! Stay tuned for my next entry which will feature a guest blog post from my dear friend Red Bird. She is a cowriter on the blog Am I lost. I am not sure what she is going to write about, but I am sure its not about how to store fruit cake.
Cheers everyone! Until next time!
G.
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