Here's to a happy and prosperous 2023...ummm 2024?!! And how procrastination affected the timing of this post....

So it is January 1st, 2023. And here I am. Again. Sitting on a couch with my laptop open whilst looking at this empty canvas of a blog post on New Years Day. And yes, I am feeling reminiscent of the year that has just come and gone. Yup. Another year has drifted by, taking me even closer to my next trip around the sun. But really, that happens every year, doesn't it? I know there are those out there in my age group that often lament about feeling old. Just like there are those in their forties that dread getting closer to their fifties and feeling old. Just like when they lamented in their thirties about hitting forty. And feeling old.  

But don't you worry. This isn't a post about aging or feeling old. It's more about how to help open yourself up to bigger possibilities. To show you how we have become limited in our view of what surrounds us, drives what we are passionate about. These are things that take us out of our comfort zone and help us grow as human beings. And to also not contact the landlord about a broken toilet handle during holiday hours because this is not an emergency. Yup. This actually happened.

Anyone that has spent any time with me has heard how I view the process of how we communicate with other humans using the options we have at our disposal. And because of what technology has done to how we convey ourselves, it also bleeds into darker narratives of our current status. Nobody ever looks at where they have come from to see where they are going. In our twenties you were more concerned about the party and dating. The thirties arrive suddenly along with more responsibilities and expectations. And then your forties creep up and very subtly grow into your fifties.

Procrastination!  It is now January 1st, 2024. Thats right! The previous paragraphs were written exactly a year ago. And how did that happen you ask? I blame the voice in my head that kept on telling me "You can work on this tomorrow." And "Go ahead. Take a nap first." Blah, blah, blah.

This part of the post adds on to what I was saying before the time jump. Procrastination totally limits us in ways that are definitely connected to placing limitations on ourselves. So, what causes some of us to procrastinate you ask? I did some digging into this topic. And when I say "digging" I actually mean I "Googled" it. And no, I don't feel I have become an expert in this area just because I read a website. But to be truly open to self-care and growth, you have to do the work on both fronts.

Most of us think that procrastination is a bougie term for laziness. And granted, a nap sure does seem to be a great reason to put something on the back burner. There are some interesting psychological triggers in the mix that I had never even put through my thought process.

We all procrastinate from time to time. You would be selling yourself short if you said you didn't. And the general result is that some tasks you have given yourself to do became a "not completed" task. And once the dust settles from that you start to feel bad for putting it off because you really did want to get it done. 

Let's take losing weight as an example. Our decision to lose weight is done with pure and honest intention. The process is simple. We see ourselves in the mirror and notice that our shape isn't what we want it to be. Maybe we also recognize we are feeling sluggish and out of breath. We exclaim we want to lose weight. We give ourselves the pep talk. We are going to exercise and change our eating habits. We even tell our honest intentions to our family, partners, friends, and our dogs. But what happens to our honest intentions that make us not achieve that what we set out to accomplish? 

According to my research, and when I say research, I really mean "Google hits," we procrastinate for the following reasons: lack of energy, perfectionism, fear of failure, lack of motivation, overwhelmed, decision fatigue, fear of criticism, avoidance, and chocolate. It was actually a longer list and chocolate actually wasn't on it. I chose the more apparent reasons. And the more I read into this list of causes, the more I felt it was actually more of a list of excuses. Why didn't I exercise to lose weight? Because I was too tired. Why didn't I quit smoking? I was too overwhelmed because it was too hard. Why didn't I finish writing my blog post from last year? Because I was too busy taking a nap. Sound familiar?

Now having said all that, there are exceptions when someone is dealing with a mental illness. I don't want to minimalize that. But for the people that are just going through the motions, how can we recognize that we are in that "excuse" mode? And how can we overcome it? For me, I noticed I used the word "because" a lot. It seems to me that word is a popular precursor to anything I give an excuse for. So being an aware person, I have decided that when the word "because" appears in my process, I will just stop. Nip it in the bud. Thats the first step. 

The next step towards getting over procrastination is to recognize that you need some planning. Over the last year, I realized that I have stopped my process planning. Its why this blog post was never finished until a year later. Have you ever gone grocery shopping without a list? Did you remember everything you needed? Let me guess, you got all the things you didn't want, and didn't get anything you needed. And you also spent more money in the process. With planning, like a grocery list, it becomes imperative that you the need to write down everything you need to accomplish your honest intention. The grocery list helps you with your plan. Like a blueprint. Another example. 99% of us can't make a budget only in our head and follow it. You really need to write it down.  Make your goals concrete by writing your lists and steps of process. Focus on working on your results. It makes them more real. It also gives you a checklist to map your success or make changes if you aren't getting the desired results. And it allows you to visualize yourself being successful more than if you kept it in our head. Keeping it in your head only allows your brain to talk you out of it. Plus with all the information we are bombarded with, things tend to get a bit jumbled and distorted. And believe me, my brain talks to me a lot.

Last year, I had the honour of playing the role of Bill Sikes in the musical Oliver. It was my first dive into musical theatre in 36 years. When I look back at that experience, I can honestly say that I really grew as an artist in that the preparation and rehearsing were great examples of how to avoid procrastination. I had all my cast mates relying on me to do my part. And I relied on them to do theirs. The producers themselves made it easy because they had processes in place that showcased their vision. They had lists and diagrams of choreography. They scheduled promo pictures, radio and TV interviews, costume fittings, along with several music and scene rehearsals. And all within a 2 1/2-month span. Wow is not the word when it comes to organizing something of this magnitude. I did it again this past December playing the role of Sergei in Matilda. And again, it was a crunch of time. We performed Matilda in front of 1000+ people each performance. And all because of what was organized around us.

How do you think they did that? Could any sort of procrastination be a part of the structure of these productions? We for sure know the answer to that. Absolutely not!

So here we are at the end of the post. And what have I learned from all of this? Well, first off, homemade buttermilk pancakes are amazing! Mimosas are sneaky. And last but not least, I am going to have one kick ass 2024! Write down your goals. Work on the steps to attain them. And avoid using the word "because" when justifying why you backburnered your success. Its all up to you!

Happy new year! May your 2024 be full of joy, abundance, and mimosas!

Three characters I played in Matilda The Musical

The trials and tribulations of a growth mentality: Is it a curse or just the way sheep get us to count them when we think at night...in bed....staring.....

Yes! I survived the plague! And sorry for the absence eh! I sure hope that no one out there was holding their breath for the last couple of years waiting for me to post. Ok...so my readership peep count is not very high. But one can dream, right? 

My absence wasn't because I had a mental breakdown over the "you know what." It was more about not wanting to add to it. It was the topic of discussion no matter where you went. I really didn't want to contribute to it. Think about it. How many times did you get together with friends, family, or the kinda strange people wearing tinfoil hats sitting in a park on a bench not knowing the bus really doesn't stop there? We found ourselves constantly talking to others about something related to the "you know what?" Every single F%&$#ing time!

Sometimes we tend to get focused on things that we have no control over. It consumes us and causes lots of anxiety. But have you ever been in a situation where even though you had no control over what was going on, it was the only thing you could think about. Like damn! Why is the self checkout line at Walmart slower than the human lines? We really just need to take the mindset bias that evolves from these situations and just break our state just like your mom did when you were making lots of  noise whilst  jumping on the bed when you were a kid. Her threatening a shoe throw stopped you dead in your tracks because you knew she was accurate. Those situations trigger our fight or flight perceptions which then triggers the same anxiety you would feel if put in a dangerous situation. Just like navigating the toilet paper aisle at the grocery store during the "you know what."  Mind you, if the anxiety was because you are in the path of a massive tsunami or Sharknado, I would definitely recommend running to higher ground or into a cave. Good thing Sharknados only happen on the coast.

But how do you stop that loop? How do you break your state? Unfortunately there is no easy answer to doing that because you first have to become aware. Awareness is the hard part. One you aware, you only have one box you have to check off in those situations. And that's the check box which asks if are you in a safe place and is that really an avocado flying at your head? If you become aware that you have no control over what is going on and can confirm that you are safe, then what? Well folks, that is where a growth mentality starts to take hold. Because once you shift yourself away from the uncontrollable, you can now focus on what you CAN control. 

This is one of my favorite quotes that totally sums up growth for me:

“Every great dream begins with a dreamer. Always remember, you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.”

– Harriet Tubman

Whenever I read that that quote I just go "WOW!". We are all dreamers to some degree. Dreams do not just what happen in you sleep. The also get created when you are awake. When you start thinking about a new project, a new house, a different job, a trip, chopping down a tree. No matter what it is, anything that you visualize as a focused goal is considered a dream at first. For people that become aware and move toward change, this functions as a catalyst for a shift towards a growth mentality. It includes the little things too. I had a dream that my cell phone bill was down to zero. I imagined myself paying it and felt the emotion of how amazing it was to have a zero balance. The context of that is just to simplify exactly how a dream can become a focused goal. And that a focused goal can then be shifted into reality through action taken by you. The first part of focused goal setting is to dream of  how it would feel to attain that which you dreamt of achieving. And here is the awesome part. It is easy to dream of something that you can feel the positive emotional energy of achievement for. It is just the first step towards that action which is the hardest. But what Harriet Tubman was really driving home was the formula of how you can affect change on many different levels. The formula is simple and easy to apply to anything:

Strength + Patience + Passion = Change

You dream by reaching for the stars with a purpose for wanting change. You use your strength to put it into action. And you temper all of the above with patience. You need to be aware that focused goals, and life in general, have to be treated like a science experiment. There is no such thing as "mistakes" or "failures." Only results.  Having that patience is knowing that when you are not getting the results you dreamed of, change parts of your process to get a different result. Like hitting the side if your computer when the printer doesn't work. Did that work? No? Then try something else like banging your mouse on your desk. All you need to be is aware that your goal should be fluid and constantly evolving. 

The source of that dream is passion. Some people out there, such as Elon Musk, have that passion and on a grander scale. I mean, who else had the idea to have booster rockets land by themselves after a major rocket launch? What about the patience required to just try, and try, and try again? With every "try," changes were applied to the process to finally get the result he was looking for.  And why didn't anyone else try to be develop the same idea? Its because Elon's dream was fueled by his personal passionate dream of producing self landing rocket boosters. He had the strength to put that dream into action. And the result is we now have booster rockets that land by themselves. And that change shifted his business. How cool is that? And Elon, if you are reading this, thank you for being such a great example of how this all works. And if you are ever in Regina, Saskatchewan Canada, we should have a beer! 

So there you go. I really wanted t to hammer home the point that you all have the tools within you to accomplish anything you put your mind focus towards. Just be open and aware that your idea can evolve. Use your passion to dream big. Have the strength to put that dream into action. And have patience in your process to make the necessary changes for your goal to evolve.  And always try, try, and try again!

Be amazing until next time!

Glenn

COVID and the conspiracy theory of why I can't remember what I am going to call this post????

Hello everyone! Before I start with my reason for writing this post I just wanted to say that I hope you are all safe and doing what you need to be doing to stop the spread of COVID-19. Be strong and know we WILL overcome this.

So I was sequestered in my condo at the beginning of March last year with the start of the Canadian Pandemic shut down. I mean, there was this one month last year in a period called "Summer" where I was able to work from the office. And for a good chunk of this year I have been home...working...eating....sleeping....working....eating while sleeping....I know! The "lather, rinse, repeat" syndrome. Almost like Bill Murray's Ground Hog Day with the exception of wearing different clothes almost every day. Yeah, I did say almost every single day. Did you know you can turn them inside out? Boy do you ever feel good in clean clothes.

I do get everyone's frustration. I don't like wearing masks either. I feel that if this was a trend prior to the pandemic we would have been wearing them a long time ago. My point is simply this. I don't live out of fear of catching the virus more than I respect Mother Nature's ability to throw us curve balls the only way she knows how. Look through the ages. There was the black plague with black oozing pustules. The 1917 pandemic where you got exposed to it one day, exhibited symptoms the next, and was dead 2 days later. Those diseases sounded scary! But my thoughts about this are simple. People that advocate based on conspiracy theories with no science to back them up are only selling themselves short. If there was a pandemic of Ebola running through our communities, how many people would shutter themselves in and yell at all the people that weren't doing the same? I mean, wouldn't it be terrifying if there was a virus waltzing through our communities that made blood ooze from.....well, you get the picture.

I remember a time when I could find things. I mean really find things. And not just somethings. EVERYTHING! My keys. My phone. My socks. My pants. My paper towel stockpile. I was literally walking into a room seven times only to forget why the f&@k I was walking into that room in the first place. And for those that know me, yeah, I know I am 51. But I didn't do this before this chaos hit.

We are the masters of our own reality. After the first couple of months of the shutdown I started to go out on my balcony and started to yell at everyone to get off my lawn as a joke. And you know what? I made a ton of friends during this time of social distancing. The young family down the hall from me. The "not that old" ladies from across the complex. And the senior couple that would wave to me every time I walked by. When the restrictions lifted a bit we had a happy hour once a week. We would sit on the lawn in our chairs having a few drinks and just enjoyed each other's company. One of the "not so old" ladies said she was going to lay a blanket down on the front lawn whenever I was out for my morning jog. And when I moved last fall, all my new friends threw me a "Going Away" happy hour with food and drink, and all socially distanced. I even got invited back after I moved. I am a blessed man for meeting all of these amazing people. 

My point is simply this. We are all frustrated. I get it. Its not easy for anyone to have to live through any of this. People have lost their jobs. Business have closed. My heart was broken not to have a Canadian football season where I did my best yelling....all positive of course. It has affected everyone. And even with this virus only affecting a certain percentage of the population, it is absolutely everyone's duty to the vulnerable to do what they can to protect them. Doing anything less is selfish. One death from COVID is too many. I don't want my parents to catch this virus. I don't want to catch this virus. And I certainly don't want to give it to anyone else. And it isn't fake! I don't believe there is a one world order forming and that all the countries in the world are plugged into this. And I certainly don't think the government is putting microchips into the Pfizer vaccine I received 2 weeks ago. It has really been a bizarre time for the human condition.

So why don't we all collectively help each other out? Why does there have to be so many conspiracy theories of control out there? Why isn't anyone protesting the big tech companies that are stockpiling our information and sending us down the algorithmic rabbit holes that some of us are finding ourselves in? I mean come on! Since I turned 51 and armed with a single status on Facebook, I have been getting bombarded with erectile dysfunction ads along with senior dating applications ads. And why doesn't Facebook know that I am a fit man that eats well and has no dysfunction whatsoever? Do they not see my food porn photos along with my workout photos? (And the lovely comments do make me smile) Does Facebook not realize how handsome I really am?  Right? That, to me, is the biggest conspiracy. Long story short, we are dealing with people's belief systems dovetailed with their subconscious bias that gets amplified when filled with information being pulled from the InterWeb. And from my NLP experiences, we cannot argue or debate with someone that believes what they feel is true to them. That's why I choose not to argue with them. 

The human condition can be a mystery sometimes. I really and honestly believe that if we respected one another enough to put on that mask, wash their hands regularly  and get vaccinated, we could get through this sooner. If we can land robots on Mars, invent super computers, and cars that park themselves, why can't we just do what we have to do to get through this? Man, do I ever miss going to football games and being able to travel across the country to sit and have a beer with my dad. We should all find our reasons for this chaos to end.

Be safe everyone!

The perfect storm for mindfulness

Good day everyone! Its funny how I always start out my blog posts with "I know its been a long time since my last post."

 I am not even sure why I don't post more often. It isn't a procrastination thing. I don't have a limiting environment that would prevent me from posting. I have a creative mind that I constantly engage with. So what gives Glenn? Are you lacking adventure? Is your life humdrum full of.....you get the hint. There is absolutely nothing that would stop me from doing this other than yours truly.

I am totally grateful for the life I lead. I have a great job. I have tons of hobbies and interests that engage me both mentally and physically. I am fit and athletic with no health issues. I have a positive mindset. Add that all together and you get a confident man that follows his passions.

News flash!!! I haven't always been this way.

 I used to be a couch potato. I used to be a smoker. I used to be overweight. I used to lack confidence. I used to be a people pleaser. That's a lot of "I used to be's."

My NLP brain asks "How did you get to be in this state of mindfulness?" That's definitely a loaded question and it has caused me to really look back at the man I was. I wasn't a very confident one. Always a people pleaser....couldn't make decisions with confidence. Even my confidence with women was 2% at best. I blamed it on being a computer nerd.

What's the difference now? Why am I so happy and content with this person I look at in the mirror everyday? How has that inner voice changed over the years and what message is it giving me now?

We are a product of every situation, event, and relationship we have ever gone through.  Everything we have been exposed to has affected us in some way. Our subconscious doesn't differentiate between positive or negative. It just records how intense things were. When you access those memories, your conscious self attaches the emotional part and that's how you feel the positive or negative value you placed on it. Until you realize it, you can't change it.

So that was the technical part. How do we apply ourselves to the change train? Sometimes it is simple, other times it isn't.

I'm sorry, it has been a long time since my last blog post. From the time I last posted until now, I became a single again. This is a prime example of what most people call a traumatic event.  And as anyone in their late 40's can attest, starting over sucks. It is primarily because we carry a negative connotation to a relationship ending. And does it really suck?  It is very rare for someone in that position to look at the positive lessons we have learned. Was that person good for me? Were we good for that person? What have I learned from this? How can I improve? Where did I put my damn keys????"

From my life experience, it is all just  a perfect storm of mindfulness. There are three parts to my theory. The first part is applying the principle of emotional intelligence. The second is using empathy to better feel what the others are feeling. The third is to how to focus on resilience. Resilience is the most important part of the equation because it is that internal process that you put into place that allows you to move on. It is a focus on things that bring happiness into your life that makes a difference. You own your own happiness so take care of it!

Using a relationship ending is definitely a good example of a disappointing event.  You have to reel in all your emotions, roll along the roller coaster of emotions that go from happy to sad in the blink of an eye. And while all this is going on, that dang inner voice starts.

We all know that inner voice. When something goes wrong its that voice we hear in our head saying things like "You idiot! Why did you go back to the buffet for seconds?" Its the voice that guilts you...makes you feel small.  It is that voice that reflects what direction your mind state is going and it is the most powerful voice you will choose to never hear. And I did say choose.

Guess what? You do hear it! It is always loud and clear. The issue is, we choose to ignore it just like we choose to ignore our kids fighting loudly in the other room until one of them cries out in pain. We start to focus on the negative and never realize what it takes to reframe it to the positive. Why do we do that? What purpose in advancing our lives and evolving as people does that inner voice serve? Truth? Listening to that negative inner voice only serves to limit you. It stops you and places you in a perpetual loop of despair. That's where the questions like "why me" and "what if" come into play. Why does this happen to me and what if I did something different? Why doesn't this person love me and what if I tried harder? I could go on and on about the inner messages we send ourselves. "What if" and "why me" serve absolutely no purpose to you

What if there was one "what if" that would hep you determine your path to happiness?

What if there was a way you could change that inner voice? There is a way and it all starts with the effort of you telling that voice to shut up! Its that simple! Its like when those same kids fighting in the other room get louder and it finally gets to you. What do you do? You yell "SHUT UP!" And what do they do? They stop dead in their tracks because you just broke their state. The same goes for that inner voice of yours. It reflects your state of being. You tell it to shut up and then you ask yourself the following questions:

Does this dialog serve a greater purpose? Does this dialog allow me the limitless freedom to evolve?

If your answer is "No" to either or both of these questions, then it is time to tell yourself to shut up! You tell your inner voice that this is not serving a purpose that will allow you to live your life versus letting it pass you by. How do you change the dialog you ask?  You need to take stock in what you have right now. You also need to take what positive lessons you actually learned from the situation, and dove tail that with where you want to go and evolve as a person. Notice I never once said to focus on the negative parts? That's because you are going to leave that behind that crap and change the dialog to reflect positivity and a direction that won't limit you.

Its one thing to feel that sense of loss when something wonderful comes to an end  or a situation that doesn't turn out the way you wanted. It feels amazing to be liberated from the negative feelings that would stop you in your tracks. You need to be able to focus on where you need to go and evolve as a person. You need to change your inner state to something positive which will then change your outer state.

Thanks for taking time to read this post! I truly hope you have an amazing rest of your day/evening!

The signs of the universe through the sleeves of change....

I hope this post finds you in great spirits!

Change is all around us. Being a 70's child, I always reminisce about what it was like way back then, and how everything is now. The obvious areas that most people that have been around for awhile focus on are music, clothes, cars, and technology. We have gone from having only 3 channels, rabbit ear reception, and manual channel switching to internet connected TV's, computers and cell phones.

But what about us? Why can't we notice what changes occur in ourselves?

Change is not always about technology and lifestyle. Inner change is a huge deal too. The way our subconscious works, we have to be open to possibilities on how we view the world and ourselves. The world doesn't change because it needs to. The world changes because people make changes, positive or negative. The signs are there in many forms and we just have to be open to them.

For example, I have this dress shirt that I love wearing. When I bought it, I was starting my journey to being 290 lbs. At one point I couldn't wear this shirt any more. It was always hanging in the closet, calling out to me to put it on. And I would put it on and  wince at not only the possibility of buttons almost popping off and ricocheting off the walls, severely injuring me, but I was also made weary of how heavy I had become.

Then I lost weight....

I started wearing the shirt more until it became apparent that I had lost more weight than I was at when I first bought said shirt. But I didn't care. I liked the shirt. For the last few months I have been paring down my clothes. Most of them I swim in so I figured I would donate them to charity.....but I kept the shirt.

I was wearing this shirt one day at a training session at work. One of my colleagues kept on pointing to her sleeve and laughing at me. It took her 5 times of doing that with me reacting by giving her my "confused smiley face" until I realized she was actually looking at my left sleeve. I looked and my heart sank! The elbow was worn out and showing skin. What was I going to do? I'm never going to look handsome again! I could never wear this shirt again! But then it dawned on me that maybe this was a sign from the universe telling me that I needed to move on and start my new journey by letting go of something that anchored me to my old journey. The shirt symbolized  something to me...I felt positive and empowered in that shirt.  Now that I am a fit and very positive person, I didn't need this shirt to make me feel that way. It was in me already. I just needed to see the signs and take that first step towards the next part of the path I am going to travel. 

So I folded up the shirt and placed it in a storage container with other things that have symbolized a milestone. And now I am looking at my new path.....and it was just made brighter by a smiling face.

Cheers!

The universe and how it's awesome to be too good to be true....

I have to say I'm not very good at keeping up with this blog. Yes, I know there are a few that rather liked to read the wise words of wisdom I have graced the internet with. But really Glenn? One blog post a month would even be better than none right?

A lot has happened since my last blog post. My son made a full recovery from his drowning incident. He has since moved out on his own and is working full time which means that even though he is now a productive member of society.......the nest is empty.

Life moves at a tremendous pace. You either go with it or fall behind. Its easy to get overwhelmed with how a person moves through this maze of  twists and turns. The only question that needs to be answered is when change looks in your direction, Are you going to run towards it or run away from it?

Change is the catalyst that gets us to our life's next waypoint. Sometimes it is caused by us and sometimes it is caused by things outside of our immediate control. One form of change is calculated and on purpose, while the other is forced upon us causing us to react. For me, this last year has been a combination of both.

It started in November of 2016 when an announcement was made that affected over 50 people that I work with. They were moving our jobs to another city and that we had 6 months left before they turned out the lights. A week after that announcement, I attended the premiere of my latest movie project, Patient 62. My son moved out during that same month as well. So while I was sitting there pondering my options...well, it was more like panicking because now I had to start looking for work after being gainfully employed with the same company for over 9 years. The fact I was going to be 47 and looking for works scared the crap out of me.

 Emotional times eh. The winds of change were blowing like a hurricane and 2017 loomed over my head.

Then a funny thing happened.......January 1st, 2017 hit. I spent the day feeling the optimism of a newly minted year. I felt a great energy that everything was going to be ok and that I will land on my feet....somehow. I knew this was going to be a landmark year. The template was there, I just didn't know who or what was going to fill in the blanks.


Losing my job rippled through other parts of my life as well. No more corporate rates for my gym activities. That's right, I was forced to change workout facilities because of my pending job loss. I was also single again and feeling the gravity of yearning for human connection. It was a very overwhelming period. With those negatives came some developing positives. Patient 62 struck a North American distribution deal, my training as a certified NLP practitioner was nearing completion, and I made a deal with myself to focus on losing weight and getting into the best shape of my life.

All this was on my plate for 2017! My old mindset would have already been telling me that there is no way you are going to accomplish any of this. But my budding NLP brain told me that you need to focus on the journey, put the proper things in place and before you know it your goal would be reached.

Now I can write about my entire 2017 journey in this one blog post, but we are now in 2018. So let's look at how my year went but in point form:

*I went from 280 lbs as of Nov 2016 to 196 lbs as of right now. See the picture below for the results
*I got hired by a major bank.
*The movie I play a lead role in, Patient 62,  has successfully launched on major VOD platforms all over North America (iTunes, Google Play, Amazon, PS4, Xbox One, Rogers VOD, MTS, Verizon FIOS). We just made an announcement it will be in China this spring!
*I became a certified NLP Practitioner.
*My production business, Dead Rockstar Productions, has started to attract clients for marketing and corporate videos. Soon I will be producing my first feature film called Faccioun (sounds like faction). A thriller based on a story I wrote about a secret society of serial killers.

So as you can see, change can be quite overwhelming when just looking at it. You know deep down inside that you must take that first step to start the journey. That's the hardest part. The amazing part is that when you get to the other side and look back at where you started from, it is a totally empowering moment to realize that you did make something awesome happen. The unknown path is a scary path. You just have to remember that you need to treat your goals like experiments being made by a scientist. If you are not getting the results you want, change something you are doing to change the results. Its funny how cliché that all sounds. It is part of the true path of making your dreams into goals, and your goals into reality.Ask yourself this question. Why can't too good to be true be just true?

Have an amazing day!!

The picture on the right was taken in Nov of 2016. The one on the right was taken in Oct of 2017.

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Private name....Private Number

Greetings world! Once again I say "Its been such a long time since my last confession......I mean since my last blog post. There have definitely been more ups and downs over the last year, but nothing in the world could have prepared me for the "down" that our family experienced this past Friday.


It was early evening when I received the call that no parent ever wants to get. The first call came in as a "Private name/Private Number" and because I have a new cell number I figured it was someone calling for the previous owner of the number. I let it go to voicemail....but none was left. It rang again a second time and again I let it go to voicemail and again no voicemail was left. It rang a 3rd time. Very persistent this person was....so I answered it not knowing that this was the start of what was to become a very rough and emotional weekend.


The lady on the other end said she was with the RCMP and that my son Brandon was involved in a drowning accident and that he had left by ambulance 10 minutes ago. That's what I heard. My heart sank...tears streamed down my face. I thought I lost my baby. When I told my girlfriend what was going on she asked if he was ok and all I could say was that I didn't know....I only heard the bad stuff. It wasn't until I put the phone back to my ear that I heard the officer repeat what she had said, that Brandon was ok and that he was conscious and talking and was being transported to the hospital.


A million things can race through your mind when confronted with your child going through a health crisis like this. I was told to relax and that he was going to be ok....but the only thing I focused on was the fact that my son could have died today....that he was very close to it and that if it weren't for those wonderful, quick thinking kids....I mean young adults he calls friends, I wouldn't be here telling you that my little boy, the very one that I have worked so hard to protect when he was younger, was now taking his first steps into adulthood by getting his driver's license! That's right! In one week we went from almost losing him to now embracing the big step of gaining that freedom he has worked so hard to get to. That, my friends, is something that generates so many emotions all at once that I literally cannot leave my cubicle at work for fear that someone might see me shed a tear. If things had worked out differently, this day would have been so sad. But it didn't work out that way.


My girlfriend is a very wise woman who I give a lot of credit when it comes to balancing our world. Even though in the beginning I wasn't listening to her when she said "He is all right" and that "he didn't die," today through reflection on the day, I see that I can focus on the positive and that he is all right and that he didn't die. My advice to you is that whenever you do get a "Private name/Private number" popping up on your phone, answer it! It may be the most important call you will ever get!


I want to share a huge milestone with you. Those of you that have followed me know I have been on a journey of self improvement. My journey started 6 years ago when I decided I wanted to be an actor and become more involved in my local film industry. Last year we were in a contest with a film project called Patient 62. We left the contest early and went out on our own to film it last fall. I am happy to announce that we are now closer to having the movie ready to show to all of you! We just released a teaser trailer and I am proud to say that we now have over 7,000 views! I will leave the link below for you to enjoy. Please share it with your peeps and Tweeps. We would love to hear your impressions so please leave a comment as well!


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NM3g1mmUnkI


Before I leave you today, I wanted to give you something to mull over. Its very mind boggling to think that since my last blog post on Oct 6th of 2015, there have been 206 mass shootings in the US that had four or more victims injured or dead. Since January of 2016 there have been 141 mass shootings in the U.S. involving four or more people with 5 of those happening since the Orlando incident. There needs to be a dialog and affirmative action taken on why there are so many guns available in the US. And oh yeah, please don't vote for Donald Trump.


Have a great day everyone! I will have more to post in the coming weeks so please come back!








Note: Mass shooting statistics were taken from the gun violence archive at http://www.gunviolencearchive.org/reports/mass-shootings/2015?page=1

Dating in your 40's: Intelligence and the ability to engage....the rest is just sexy icing

Hey everyone! I know...it has been awhile! Where have you been you ask? Well, that's a good question. I haven't really left. I've been busy. Very busy. What does this have to do with dating in your 40's you ask? Everything!

I've been single for awhile. I won't say how long it has been, but 5 years seems to be a good, uneven number to throw out there. It hasn't been easy in any sense of the word but I wouldn't change it for anything and here's why. If it wasn't for my last long term relationship ending I would have never embarked on this current journey where I have found my creative self. I really like this new me! It has shown itself in bits and pieces throughout my life so it was about time that it showed up in my life as a permanent resident. The downside to that is the fact that I've been so busy that I have had to rely on internet dating to bring dream girl into my life. Its easier than it sounds and in some cases it can get very expensive.

Before we move on let's recap of what I have previously written in my unintentional series of Dating in your 40's. If you have followed this blog you may have read a couple of posts where I spoke about the pros and mostly cons of dating in your 40's. I remember back in the day, when I was in my 20's, of meeting a "person of interest" through the means of going somewhere and actually meeting "the one" unintentionally. The internet was not even in our thoughts yet. Of course going to the bar was the best way to connect back then but, as time went on, the ways and means to meeting other single people changed. What changed it? The internet did! I blame the internet for the fall of proper human communication. I previously wrote about how I met three very real women and that they perfectly summed up my dating woes. They were Crack Pipe Girl, Meat Draw Girl, and Wheezy.

Crack Pipe Girl felt comfortable enough to tell me that 2 weeks before we met she had finished a 6 month crack binge and that as long as she stayed off the pipe she was fine. The next person was Meat Draw Girl. I met her, and her mom, at a local pub. She failed to tell me they would have been drinking there all day so that by the time I walked in the door I must have looked pretty good. Long story short, I had to stay until the meat draw happened. Then I offered them both a ride home, being it was winter. Meat Draw girl yelled back at mom saying "Mom! He has a car!" I really had to figure out a great exit strategy on that one. Last on the list was Wheezy. Being I am a non smoker it was important to find someone that was also a non-smoker. Wheezy put in her profile that she was a non smoker but when we met she had a smoke hanging out of her mouth and smoke billowed out of her van. That was alot of fun listening to that constant wheeze in her laugh. My point is, the whole online dating thing raised my expectations to the point that when I came home after these disasters, I felt dejected and more lonely than ever. What was missing? Connection.

All three of them totally defined exactly how much more hit and miss online dating is compared to back in the day when we just MET people. I realized very quickly that I had raised my standards because of how much harder I worked for what I wanted to achieve. I didn't have to settle.  What I didn't realize is was that when the other parties lower their standards I suddenly become prime rib. This realization really made me pull back even more and place more energy into my creativity. It was fate's way of telling me not to lower my standards and settle. I was to hold out for something that was real. Prime rib should attract prime rib is basically the analogy I would use. But how does that help with meeting someone who piques your interest enough to embark on a journey of getting to know each other and ultimately falling madly in love? Why am I hungry talking about online dating? Oh yeah....prime rib.

Online dating doesn't help and here's why. You create your online dating profile. Immediately the site starts to ask you questions to get you to fill in the blanks. What's your body type? Well if I put average then the ladies will either think I am overweight or perhaps I have some esteem issues. If I say athletic will they think I am a liar because I don't have the physique of The Rock. What do I like to do in my spare time? Well, if I list everything will they think I am too busy? If I mention I am an actor will they think I am a liar? My point is, honesty is not promoted on these sites. You can be anyone you want to be. For those of you in your 40's you will laugh at this reference. When I was younger, I watched a cartoon called The Flinstones, I remembered an episode where Wilma wanted to win a big prize in a contest that asked wives to talk about all the cool things their husbands did. Long story short, she embellished Fred so much that she won the contest and Fred had to go and do all the things she said he could do. That's not so different when it comes to our reality. Online dating sites, between the lines, ask us to embellish ourselves to make us look good to perspective mates. We have no idea about how honest these people are being. The sad part is, even if they are telling the truth, sometimes they seem too good to be real......and because there is soooo much embellishment going on that even the honest ones are being put into the reject pile. Add on the fact that some of our pictures don't tell the complete story.

About 3 weeks ago a friend of mine hosted a party where single people could come and mingle. No profiles.....no embellishment of ourselves. It was a gourmet grilled cheese party along with Tomohawk throwing with some alcohol in the mix. Fun stuff! I was nervous going because I would know one person. I would have to be myself and would not be able to let my my dating profile do the talking. I would have to meet people and actually have conversations from scratch. And then in walked a woman with an engaging and genuine smile with the energy about her that made everyone else seem distant to me. We conversed for a good portion of the night. There was mingling as there were others there.....but at the end of the night, we both found each other a amazing and added each other on Facebook. We also expressed the desire to meet again.

Since the party, we started to converse a little bit. Because my dating perspective of "too good to be true" had been ruling my dating life, I held back a bit. Once the frequency of conversations picked up I really started to like this person and was reminded that this was the kind of connection I was looking for. We arranged to meet again but because I have been online for so long I felt the need to talk more about my physical self and not my intellectual self.

 To bring that part into perspective, I have to give a little bit of my physical history. Over a year ago I was 265 lbs. I felt being over weight really held me back. And it did on many levels. Long story short, I am now 55 lbs of fat lighter and 20 lbs of new muscle has replaced it all because of working out consistently. I jokingly told this person I could have sent her a topless picture and her reply was that I didn't need any pre-advertising. I immediately thought that she liked what she saw. Her reply to that was very profound. She said that she also liked what she heard. She went on to say that she liked  my intelligence and the ability to engage and that the rest was just "sexy icing." Someone liked me for me. The fact I was an artist, single dad, dog owner, etc, piqued her interest as her intelligence had  also piqued mine.

People need to realize that dating is more than just a physical thing. Our primal human instincts force us to find a mate. Back in the days when we did cave paintings, dating was just simply meeting and grunting. We have definitely evolved from that but there is one thing  that we have forgotten to do, because of the internet, and that is showcasing every aspect of ourselves including our intelligence. Why waste our time looking at online profiles when we can just go out and meet? Long story short, we will meet later today and carry on with our conversation. It will be engaging with sexy icing to boot!

Before I end this post I wanted to ask everyone to help out with a project I have been working on for the past few months. I am part of a film group trying to get a movie filmed called Patient 62. We ran the project through a Canadian indie film process called CineCoup. We were a top 5 contender but pulled out for fear of losing control of certain aspects of our project. We currently have an Indiegogo campaign going on and would love either some help in getting some funding or even to have people spread the word. Please have a look at our campaign video that also includes a concept trailer. I have a prime role in this baby so there is alot of motivation for me to share this with you all. Have a look at the link below! If you know of anyone wanting to invest in a film, please guide them to our site!

Have an awesome day!

https://www.indiegogo.com/projects/patient-62-the-movie#/story

Happy holidays to you too! Who am I talking to?

Greetings! After a long absence I'm back and with lots of stuff to talk about. My life has not swayed from the title of this blog and I can't wait to share everything that took place for me in 2014.

I just received a text from a friend of mine. "So what," you say. This is the holidays! Get a grip! Everyone gets a text from a friend  at Christmas. Oh yeah, and on a daily basis to boot! My response to that would be, "Will you let me finish for once? I mean come on! Why do you always interrupt me?" Ahhh...the holiday season. Anyways, how many of you have acquired a new cell phone in the last three months? And after acquiring said new cell phone,  how many times have you received a text where only the number shows up saying "How's it goin?" Come on! I'm not the only that has had to formulate a diplomatic way of asking who it is. Its not supposed to be like this! And coupled with the fact that this is the Christmas season. Its very stressful not wanting to insult the other party with that silly question.  You know the one. "Who is this???" But then that human obsessed thought process starts weaving its wonderful magic. Maybe this is someone you said you would text but never did. I'm truly sorry if you are one of those people in my world. I'll text you later! Oh wait, I didn't save your number to my SIM card.

So, as I was telling you, my friend sent me a text message and I had absolutely no idea who this person was. Panic set in. How do I respond? I have to respond. Would it be rude not to respond? So I responded. Turns out it was a newly acquired friend that hadn't sent me a text message since my acquisition of a new iPhone just over 2 months ago. What a relief! I didn't have to answer the questions like where have I been, or why haven't I sent a them a message, or when am I going to put them in one of my filming projects. Heavy sigh. Sorry mom, we'll work you in the script.

Then it dawned on me. I don't memorize phone numbers anymore. I remember a time in my life where I memorized every phone number I was given. Seriously? When did this stop? I've come to the conclusion that it stopped when they invented "Contact Lists." My toll free banking phone number is memorized, but not any of my friends. Ask me what my mom's cell number is and I would have to go into my contact list to tell ya.

What have we become? Now what curve ball is evolution going to throw at us to accommodate technological advancements? Is this what an evolutionary process in action looks like? Is this a sign that mother nature is about to change us to suit our environments? Thats how it works right?  For example, as we speak people are walking down the street, somewhere in the world, with their heads down while typing an "lol" to a snide remark. You hear a lot of horror stories about what happens to people that don't watch where they are headed while typing a text message. Some get hit by buses. Some drive while texting. Others are safely bumping into other people sending texts and only suffer minor concussions. Is this another form of Darwin's theory of survival of the fittest? I think evolution needs to resolve this by shortening our arms to resemble the tine arms of a tyrannosaurus rex. Then we can hold the phone closer to our faces. Next, evolution needs to create a third eyeball in the middle of our foreheads so we can see where we are going while sending a text message. The only problem with this theory is its going to take hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of years to complete. Yeah, we could speed up the process and experiment but really, how many flipper babies with special powers of destruction do we have to create? Right.....that's a definite "no" on the genetic experiment theorem.

Don't let technology override your humanity. Memorize that number you get from that cute girl at the bar. Or ladies, how about that sexy tech support guy that solved that problem where you computer wouldn't turn on....again. Turns out its that silly power bar switch under your desk that mysteriously gets turned off. Thats right! Get his number and burn it in your brain! He might be a good cook. Ok fine then! Put him in your contact list! See if I care! :)

So with that being said, its time for a  recap of all that has transpired in my 2014. Acting is still in full swing. Wolf Cop premiered in June and was shown all around the world. There is a sequel planned to film this spring so stay tuned on that front. In July, I had the privilege of doing some background work for Corner Gas The Movie. What fun it was to see a few of the principle actors interact with some TSN personalities. In case you were wondering what part I played, I was drunk hick wearing a wolf hat in the background of the garage bar scene. Bread Thieves came out on DVD a couple of weeks ago and sales are going very well.  I'm still moving forward with my film project called Oblivious. We released a concept trailer a couple of months ago (see link below) and have had some great responses. I plan on filming a prequel web series to Oblivious called Omega and currently have the pilot written. I will be writing subsequent episodes for a film date sometime in the spring. Last but not least, I'm excited to announce I got the lead role in a TV show pilot called Frivolous. I will be playing a 40 something lawyer that chases ambulances to see what kind of law suits he can conjure. The pilot script was hilarious and I look forward to updating you on the progress of this project to be filmed at the end of January 2015.

Thats if for now! May positive energy surround you and those around you! Happy holidays to everyone and I look forward to posting more in 2015! Enjoy my trailer!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JUXfByJuUk

Cheers!

PS: Go watch The Interview! Its on YouTube! Don't let threats dictate artistic expression!

A tale of two cars...and the return of Life Happens, Wear a Helmet.....

Greetings world! Sorry it took me so long to get back to you. Life has definitely been busy since the last time I posted.... (checking posts)....yikes! October! I can explain my absence...really I can.

So in November I filmed my speaking role in the movie Wolf Cop. What an awesome time I had being on set of a high budget film. I had my own dressing room....the food was fantastic....it went by way too fast. But what an experience! It will be coming to Canadian Cineplex theaters in April so make sure you go see this fun film.

And as for my health crisis, I can absolutely say that I am fully functional again. Still got some swelling but that mostly comes after I've exercised. I won't bore you with that recap so lets move on to the next adventure.

I am happy to announce that I have started filming my pitching trailer for the movie I wrote called Oblivious. What a great experience I am having. I have a great crew and from what I see the public is starting to gain some interest in this thriller. Stay tuned for more details! Lots of surprises ahead!

Now, as always, a funny story that happened to me and how it relates to human connection.

Since my last posting there have been mass shootings, natural disasters, and many human triumphs. When you hear those stories, do you ever wonder what you were doing when these things actually happened? I know that in this world of the interweeb (on purpose...) that we hear of what is happening out there in minutes instead of hours. Its a sign of the times. I really need to ask you one question. What were you doing at 7:45 am (Saskatchewan time) on Thursday January 30th? I was standing in line waiting for coffee.

As many Canadians can profess, we all line up for our favorite cup of coffee from Tim Horton's. For those of you that aren't aware, Tim Horton's would be the Canadian version of Starbucks....just not as expensive and the best coffee ever. Just sayin! Their coffee is very good....sometimes addicting. I was getting my usual morning bagel and coffee and rushed out and got into my car. This is where the story gets funny. As I was getting ready to place my cup of coffee into the cup holder, I thought to myself when I glanced over towards the passenger seat "How did that blanket and blue extension cord get in my car?" And then I asked myself "What is that flowery thing hanging on my rearview mirror?" And then I thought to myself when  "Where is my F&@$ing stick shift?" A million thoughts ran through my head. I thought I had  jumped into the twilight zone. I actually thought something was wrong and I am sure the utter look of confusion and bewilderment would have made such a great picture. It suddenly dawned on me that I WAS IN THE WRONG CAR!!!! How does this happen? Well, I'll tell you. The car was the same make and model of car I had....even the same color! The only different is that this car was the sedan version and I have a hatchback.

So, in a very concerned but comedic way, I got of the stranger's car. Now the reason I even approached this car was not only because it looked the same but mine was blocked from site two stalls over by a big white SUV. There was a woman sitting in it with her daughter. She watched as I got out of that car shaking my head with a huge grin on my face. As I was going around the front of the SUV I looked up and saw the woman's look of confusion as to why I was doing what I was doing. I gestured towards my actual car and then she looked at the one I just left and she immediately started laughing so hard I am sure she peed herself. She unrolled her window and said that I made her day. As a matter of fact I am sure I was the subject of coffee break banter and perhaps a dinner party story as well. Its one of the funniest and surreal situations I have ever been in.

This situation really drives home the fact that we touch people's lives more than we know. The fact that this woman, who could have been having a very bad morning, told me I made her day really made me relax about the situation. I didn't get sucked into another dimension. Life is so spur of the moment that when situations arise like the one I went through, it slows it down even it is only a few minutes. It really drives home the need to slow our world down and connect to other humans. Even though it was at the expense of my confusion, all three of us shared a very funny moment that made all involved feel good. And laughter is exactly what made us feel good.

I drove to work with a huge smile on my face thinking "Wait until everyone hears about this!" I told a co-worker about it at the end of a busy day and she said she laughed so hard and loud that her coworkers stopped what they were doing and looked at her.....and it made her day too! The moral of the story is simply this. You never know when a random act in your life touches and brightens another's.

Cheers everyone! The wait for the next post will not be so long! Have a great week!!

G.

The "Wolf Cop" journey begins.....

Greetings! Isn't it funny how life changes as fast as it does. I remember when my son was born back in 1998. When I think about it I can remember every detail and that was over 15 years ago. The fact that the last 3 years my life has been a blur is an understatement. I have done so many different things during this time that my friends constantly remind me of all the things that I have accomplished. To me, they are just things I do that make me happy. As always, I am constantly pushing the limits, doing new things, advancing my film career knowing that I need to learn more. Its mind boggling to think about all the lessons and realizations I have gone through. The evidence is in the type of acting roles I get or how my scripts unfold when I am writing. Things are definitely advancing and life is on the brink of getting even more exciting.

So I have wonderful news. There was a group of Saskatchewan film makers that entered a film competition called the Cinecoup Accelerator. 90 film projects in total competed with Wolf Cop. It was written by Saskatchewan artist,  Writer/Director Lowell Dean. He is a well known director here in Saskatchewan and I have had the pleasure of working with him on a couple of projects a year or so ago. To make a long story short, the group that ran the Wolf Cop project won the competition which meant that they now have a million dollar production budget and guaranteed screenings on  2600 Cineplex screens (don't quote me on this as it could be more...) across Canada. Well Wolf Cop won the completion and I am pleased to announce that I will be appearing in this movie. Its a small role but I have lines in the film. And the fact that I play a tough thug in this movie is also pretty cool too. Playing a bad guy role seems to be very typical for me. I've played a meth addict, a futuristic drug addict, and a killer in the movies I have acted in. I took a workshop with a very good acting coach back in Feb and he taught me that as an actor, I needed to sell my brand or in other words what I was really good at. My brand is bad guy. I play thug very well apparently according to the students at the Saskatchewan Police College. The various scenarios and the students expectation that when they are in my scenario that they have to bring their A game....otherwise the actor in me has fun. Maybe that's why I am playing a thug role in Wolf Cop. The many scenarios I have acted in have prepared me for this moment.

 I am very excited about this chance for many reasons. Its my first chance of being in a big budget film with lines. And even though its a small role, it helps with the bigger pictures. And there is always a chance that my look or the way I act out my character may attract the attention of another director or producer. Its definitely another credit to add to my list of accomplishments. This is going to be a fun shoot!

Now to some people, the small role may not seem like much, but to me it is. I earned that spot. Its another learning experience and one more step closer to doing what I love. Its a good way to gauge if I am going in the right direction. I wouldn't want to make the mistake of pursuing something that perhaps I was shouldn't be doing. Landing this role showed me that the learning I did to prepare for auditions had sunk in. This is now the second feature movie that I have been cast in the last 2 years. A year ago it was Bread Thieves (www.breadthievesthemovie.com). The stuff I learned from doing that movie definitely helped me land the role for Wolf Cop. I am totally honored to have been chosen for this role. I really look forward to telling you about my experience on set. If you would like to find out more about Wolf Cop and the journey the production as taken to get to this point, please go to http://archive.cinecoup.com/wolfcop.html and see how the concept went through the competition. To follow the progress of production as the movie is being filmed go to the official site at http://wolfcop.com/ Filming starts tomorrow  Oct 27th.

 My other feature film Bread Thieves is scheduled to be out soon. Stay tuned for more information about that film as well.

Have a great week!

G.

Health Crisis 2013: Bacteria...the scourge of humanity

Greetings everyone. I hope this posting finds you in great spirits as well as health.

Health. We take it for granted sometimes. I mean, if we see a speeding truck we instinctually take the initial action of jumping out of the way. I'm talking about how we take for granted we will not get sick until we get sick. We go throughout our day not even thinking about what is out there that could harm us. I can't say I blame humans for being this way. When we feel good we just go about our lives. Three weeks ago I had one of those health scares that knocked me on my butt and made me slow my life down to a halt.

It started out on a Saturday. I woke up, had breakfast, went and worked out. Just a normal Saturday. After working out I came home, ate lunch and decided to have an afternoon nap. When I woke up I felt achy, almost like I was being hit by the flu. I forced myself to eat later that night and that was when it hit me like a ton of bricks. I went to bed early and didn't get out of bed all day the next day. It wasn't until later that Sunday night that I showed my mom my leg. She's a nurse and when she looked at my leg, which was getting extremely red and puffy, she and immediately said I should go to the hospital. So I went.

I am grateful for the health care system we have in Canada.  The downside to it is the long waits in hospital emergency rooms. This particular night was very busy for this particular ER. I was there for 3 1/2 hours, feeling totally ill with a sore lower right leg. To me it looked like an allergic reaction. That being said that I must note that I don't have any allergies. So I was very nervous to say the least. After that 3 hour wait I then decided to just go home and see a doctor the next day.

The next day, I saw the doctor. This MD looked at my leg, said it was an infection called "cellulitis," and she immediately put my on some powerful antibiotics. I went home, took my medicine like a good boy until I realized the next day that this so called bacteria was now tracking up my leg. I then went to a different hospital hoping the wait was less. My leg was a real mess. Red, swollen, and excruciatingly painful. Every time I went from laying down to sitting/standing up made my leg feel like a million spikes were being driven down through my leg towards my foot. No word of a lie, it was the most severe pain I have ever felt in my entire life.

The doctor I saw in the hospital ER (I was seen almost immediately) immediately changed my meds and ordered an ultrasound to make sure I didn't have any clots. My leg was very swollen. As you can see this was turning into quite the nightmare. I had my ultrasound, no clots but they immediately put me on an IV antibiotic that I had to go back and get administered once a day for 6 days.

This was the most sick I have ever been in my life. I really did feel like dying. It was so debilitating. It turned my life upside down and slowed it to a halt. But then, like everything else that ever happens to me, I started thinking to myself at how grateful I was to have all the things I have going for me. I have a job at a company that allows me to take the time to heal myself. I also have a  phenomenal group of friends that worried about me and are cheering me on to recovery.  I'm being told by the doctors that it will take me up to 3 months to fully recover from what it took this bacteria 3 days to damage. So now I have to endure leg wraps every three days for 2 weeks and then special pressure stockings for 2 months after that. I never once thought that I would have been effected in this way by anything. Its all because I was feeling good. I worked out 4 days a week, I didn't smoke, I ate well, I didn't have any major stresses to bog me down. To go from that to having to prioritize creditors because now I have an illness and have more expenses...you get the picture.

This brings me to the second part of my post. The more I talked about my illness, which I had to explain it to people because I was cancelling out on acting engagements and having time all this time off from work, the more I found out that more people I knew have had this illness. It was more common than a cold in some instances. But why don't people talk about it? I mean, here I was in the midst of a health crisis where, from the research I did, could turn into meningitis, flesh eating disease, coma inducing infections. I could have even lost my leg! It was like 6 degrees of separation through illness. I was shocked that I never heard of any of my friends actually getting this awful sickness until I talked about it. I was expecting shocked looks when I was actually seeing heads nod with understanding.

I am grateful that the survival rate of this illness is high. It knocks us down, expects us to neglect what is happening while making us seriously sick. One thing I can personally say is that it didn't break my spirit. When I was in the midst of feeling ill, I kept on thinking about everything that made me feel good. My son, my family, my friends, my job, my acting, my writing....and the list goes on. Thinking about having all these positives in my life made me put a sense of urgency into making sure I was getting the care I needed. I have lots to live for and I have had a lot of people tell me they were worried. How can I not get better with that kind of support?

I'm on the mend now. 2 weeks of special compression leg wraps and then 2 months of the "special stocking" It would be hoped that I should be back to normal after all that. This whole situation has left me with a sense of being thankful I have had the ability to do all the things I do. It made me appreciate that I have been feeling good enough to do all these things as well it humbled me to know it can be taken away at a moments notice.

That's the underlining moral of this story. Never take for granted all that is positive that you have surrounded yourself with. Support the people that support you and embrace the things that you cherish. Life is very fragile.

Have a great week everyone and Happy Thanksgiving to all my fellow Canadians!

G.

The law of attraction, fate, and the life pendulum curve ball

Greetings everyone! I hope you are reading this post with a smile in your heart.

Life is funny. We all have hopes and dreams. Goals and aspirations. We grow up wanting to be doctors, lawyers, astronauts. We dream about it. Sometimes we eat and sleep these aspirations. But as humans are programmed to be this way, it seems that we almost always tend to overlook the one thing that controls our destiny.....Fate. Some people believe in Fate exclusively. They think it controls everything. My take on it is that fate feeds off of the energy we send out. If you are in a dark place emotionally,  negative things get thrown our way. If we are in a good place great things come our way...or so it seems. That's where the pendulum wreaks havoc and sometimes throws fate a curve ball.

There are a lot of things we have yet to understand about our existence. Centuries ago, we used to think that everything revolved around the Earth and that it was flat and that we would fall off the edge if we went too far. We now know that is not science fact. We now know our universe is a vast expanse  populated with a whole bunch of questions marks. We are just starting to learn our potential and how it pertains to this universe as a whole. Its very mind boggling to think of how complex our reality is. I really feel our life is controlled by three elements. 1) The energy we put out, 2) Fate, 3) The "Life Pendulum.

I think, for the most part, that most people know about how the power of attraction uses the energy we pipe out into the world to determine what gets thrown back. I can attest to that. I practice daily on how to turn my negative situations into ones that I direct into positive outcomes. I never swear at that @&%!ing "you-know-who" that just cut me off on the road. The Fate element deals primarily on how, through a series of events,  we meet people or how certain situations manifest themselves in our life. Its the life pendulum that is the element that is often over looked. It has two parts: The negative backswing and the Positive upswing.

When I look back over the years I can see how my life has taken turns for the worse as well as the good.  I ignored these cycles swings.  Because we are a "fast food" society where everything seems to be better when its faster, we tend to get impatient when the "life pendulum" doesn't keep up. My life experience and how I have lived it is a prime example.  The fact is it will never keep up with what society wants. Its controlled by fate and by the energy we send out. My pendulum swings very slowly and I am very thankful for that because it makes me the person I am today. We need to accept the negative backswings as a means to learn who we are and what we are capable of. We all have the ability to make things right in our world through perseverance and the drive to make things better. But because the pendulum moves slowly, we tend to ignore it and focus on the bad things that happen to us. I was in that frame of mind for most of my life until I finally figured out that in the order for me to have a positive life I had to change my frame of mind as well recognize that patience was needed to deal with the pendulum.

I can totally see when my life started its upswing. It was in 2000. My grandma had just passed away, my wife had left me and had taken my son with her the next day. Seems pretty negative. My son also had an eating disorder that we were dealing with.....and I also didn't have a car. Sounds like a country song waiting to happen doesn't it? We walked or took the bus everywhere. I had a landlord that moved us around 3 times in one month. It was a very hard time indeed. But something was different when I look back at those dark times. I didn't see it at the time but deep down inside something was stirring inside of me. It was the drive for a better outcome to my life. I focused on my son's feeding issues. Once positive progress had been made with him, then a car manifested itself into my life which opened the door to better employment. I had a few lapses where my positive outcome goals were overwhelmed with people and situations that had negativity attached to them. I worked through all that and basically started purging people that had been trying to manipulate me through their negative influences. I avoided the negative situations that would sometimes pull me in. My son thrived, my employment opportunities got better, and my life lessons started sticking. Four years ago it all came to a head where I made the decision to start making my life better because I wanted to. I got into acting, which lead to writing...which lead to stand up comedy...which lead to a new car...which lead to....get the picture? The fact is, that when the upswing starts things really start happening. I feel now that my life is full of positive energy that is slowing down the pendulum upswing so that I can savor it...allow it to "catch up" and get me to where I want to be in my life. Currently fate is also acting in a positive way in my life. Now its putting the people I need to help me get to the next level into my life. I am making new and strong friendships. My film contacts are there....my script writing is now being recognized (more announcements about that next week....). Life is awesome for me!

I want to encourage all who read my blog regularly to try and recognize and change all that influences your life in a negative way. Your frame of mind is paramount to bringing in the right elements that make life fulfilling. Once you start forcing that change in mindset, it allows that pendulum to start its upswing. And from there, the sky is the limit....or so it seems!

Have a great week everyone! Cheers!

G.

Guest Blog: Empowerment: Choosing Happiness

Greetings everyone! I know, I know, this is quite unorthodox. Two posts in three days? There is a good reason for this. This post was written by a very dear friend of mine that is one of the most amazing people I know. Believe me, she says I am brave from all the things I do...but to know my dear friend Red Bird is to know exactly what courage and bravery really means. We met in highschool and became the best of friends instantly. She was the first school friend to ever remember my birthday and she even gave me a present. I still have the book....Stephen King's Eye of the Dragon. Its these little gestures that she is known for that go along with that contagious smile of hers. Other than the fact that she said I had an "apple ass" in school (I still don't get it...its more ass shaped if you assk me) I trust this woman. She really gets life and has a very unique way of explaining it. She references her blog in this post....please read it. Its has been an amazing  journey my dear friend has been on and it really brings home the human condition. But enough of the mushy stuff.....I give you my dear friend Red Bird from the blog Am I lost:


Empowerment: Choosing Happiness

I’m a blogger.  I blog.  It’s what I do.
I’m a talker.  I talk.  It’s what I do.
Basically, I communicate. It’s what I’m good at, but, with that said, this funny thing has happened lately; while I talk incessantly, and I communicate ad nauseum, I don’t blog anymore.  It seems that I have lost the “Je ne sais quoi” that led me to an almost exasperating need to document, to legitimize my every feeling via my laptop keyboard.  I have lost my writing Mojo.
So, dear friend, when you asked me to guest blog for you, it took me FOREVER to get around to doing it, didn’t it?!  You did, after all, first shoot out the idea months ago. Despite the fact that you wrote a guest piece for my blog  (  http://birdieandsparrow.blogspot.ca/2012/11/life-happens-wear-helmet.html ), I still failed to come up with a piece for you in return. Finally, out of shame in response to your most recent request for me to get a move on it(though you termed it more politely!), I pulled out the lap top, fired it up, and did more than just stare at my word processor and then switch to Netflix - I started writing!
Why have I stopped writing?  There are several reasons, I suspect: lack of interest, pure laziness and overwork among a few, yes, but, more importantly because…and get ready for this because this might be an odd answer…because I’m HAPPY!
When you take a creative writing class, the first, and perhaps most obvious, lesson you learn is to “write what you know about”.  With that in mind, my blog is an outlet for my “knowledge”.  As a Mom of an Autistic child, I write about pain, indecision, loss, fear.  I write about my struggles, her struggles, and the struggles of my family.  Basically, I bounce my thoughts off of my readers in the hopes that what will bounce back will be understanding, empathy and encouragement.
…because I’m HAPPY

hap·py  

/ˈhapē/

Adjective Feeling or showing pleasure or contentment. Having a sense of confidence in or satisfaction with (a person, arrangement, or situation).

Synonyms glad - fortunate - joyful - lucky - merry - cheerful

When I was younger - a wild and crazy teen and young adult - I thought happy meant laughing, partying, being the centre of attention.  As an adult, I thought it was something I should aspire to and strive for, something I should find the meaning of, something everyone, but me, had.
Then, one day recently, I was sitting on the couch, snuggling my puppy, drinking coffee, watching a movie, and it came to me; I’m happy. That one moment in time, snuggling with the puppy left me feeling peaceful and content - like all was “right” in my world.  I discovered, in that moment, that happiness is a moment where you’re not striving, when you are content in your skin and in your reality.
How could I be “happy” when nothing had changed in my life?   My child was still Autistic and I was still an overtired, overworked single mother trying to make my way in the world without being dependant on people around me. What can be good about those circumstances?  What had changed, interestingly, was my bullshit attitude that happiness is an abstract concept, and not my situation.  I realized, finally, that happiness is a state of mind. It is not an absence of sadness, as I misguidedly thought, but rather, an acceptance of sadness and hardship and an agreement with yourself to still be grateful for your life, and your blessings.
 
“It’s a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.”
     -Lucille Ball

My world, for all its flaws and pain and heartache was going to be alright, I realized, because I’m capable of making it alright and in that moment, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon filled with the scent of freshly brewed coffee and puppy kisses I understood:” happy” is realizing, and accepting, and feeling gratitude for yourself and all that you can do and be. It’s not laughter or the absence of pain; it’s the beauty of moments that fill you with peace.

Even a happy life cannot be without a measure of darkness, and the word happy would lose its meaning if it were not balanced by sadness. It is far better take things as they come along with patience and equanimity.
     -Carl Jung

I’d discovered peace that day.
This discovery left me so wide open that I felt empowered and, I suspect, because of that revelation, left me capable of handling what was going to come next…a beautiful man who was about to knock me off of my feet and make me feel something I had never felt before: unabashed contentment.  In return, in my revelation, I know I can give him the same.
In the end, we need to challenge what we think “happy” means. We need to challenge how we find it, where we find it and what we think it should look like.  Most importantly, I think we have to stop looking for it.  “Happiness” is not a hunt; it’s not a journey, but a state of being.  I’m going to kiss each of my beautiful children, I’m going to smile at my ex-husband and let him off of the hook for being human and I’m going to ask nothing more of my new love than that he be as content, and as giving and honest, with me as I am going to be with him.  You Glenn, I’m going to continue to remind on a regular basis that I love you because you figuratively held my hand through some very painful moments, old friend. Together, we shall revel in “happy” and I look forward to being interested in writing for my own blog again someday soon.

Cigarettes are killers that travel in packs

Greetings everyone! I hope your weekend is going well! I just finished moving so to say I am very relaxed right now is an understatement. With coffee in hand, I shall begin this week's blog.

We, as humans, all have milestones in our lives that we like to mark. Some of them are happy ones like birthdays and wedding anniversaries, the date we first kissed the love of our life. Even the passing of a loved one is part of that mix because of how it strikes us emotionally. Milestones are what we also gauge our success by. I have had a few of those over the last 4 years since I started this journey but none of those milestones can compare to the date that I went smoke free. It was one 26 years in the making and it saved my life...literally and figuratively. It was the catalyst that really started this whole journey of self discovery and fulfillment.

I started smoking when I was 14 in July of 1984. To say that at 14 that I was a rebellious teen would be an understatement. My parents were separated so the fact that single parent kids have lots of time on their hands and have many chances to make wrong decisions based on acceptance is very well known. Two of my friends showed up at my door one night and invited me to go out for a bike ride. So I did. We went to my summer vacated school yard, took out a pack of smokes and handed me a cigarette. I told them I didn't smoke but they said that they did and that chicks think its cool. So, I put that smoke in my mouth and lit it up. My friends were very quick to show me the proper way to inhale. They knew when I faked it because I would cough til my face went red when I did inhale and when I didn't and just let the smoke out of my mouth they called me on it and told me to take another drag. Can't waste a cigarette. Then came the smoke ring lessons. It took me a total of 2 days to become accustomed to inhaling cigarette smoke. I also lived in a time where not only did cigarettes cost $2 a pack but they would also sell them to almost anybody, including 5 year old kids with a note. Its really funny how the attitude was back then. It was cool to smoke. Little did I realize that at the ripe old age of 14 that I was about to embark on a 26 year love-hate full blown addiction to nicotine  and that would change the course of my life in many ways.

At 14 I was very involved in music and drama. I sang since I was 8, played piano, and acted in musicals since I was in grade 6. When I started smoking, it made my voice change more dramatic. I sang tenor up until then. It took a whole summer of smoking to change my voice from tenor to base. I had to be reevaluated in my vocal jazz class because of this shift. It was evident that smoking wasn't a good thing. But how could I not continue? My parents both smoked so why can't I? I not only decided to continue smoking, but I also embarked on a journey of covert sneakiness which included hiding the fact that I smoked just because I was too chicken to test out the theory that I could use the "you smoke why can't I" remark to guilt my parents into letting me smoke. I was also starting something that I couldn't afford. So far three marks against smoking and I was already ignoring the little angel on my shoulder telling me not to. Sigh...

The rest of my life, up until three years ago, involved smoking. I would have one when I woke up, one on my way to work, during my coffee breaks, before and after lunch. I'm sure you get the point. Its phenomenal to think about how many ways this nasty habit gets a hold of us.  I am sitting here writing this and  I just realized that I only dated smokers throughout my adult life. I mean, who else would tolerate the smell of stale smoke in the house and cars, in your hair and clothes. The coughing and that little #&!*ing wheeze you hear when you were trying to go to sleep. There is nothing positive that comes from smoking.

On August 22nd 2010, my girlfriend at the time decided to quit. I told her I would let her quit first and then I would quit when her nicotine rage subsided. It became apparent very quickly that my expertise on this subject was very limited, even nil at best.  The plain fact was that I had attempted to quit many times over the preceding 26 years so what made me an expert on the psychology of nicotine addiction? I was a nicotine addict that was in denial and making an excuse not to quit. Throughout my entire smoking life my smokers mentality would always break me down quickly. Every time I wanted to quit, the nicotine addiction put that statement all smokers make when they embark on another quitting journey. "What if I don't have any?" DUH!!!  That's why you quit! This question would always pop in my head when I attempted to quit. Yes, all 180 million times and I would answer it with going to buy a pack.  So because I smelled of smoke every time I had one it made my girlfriend angry. So in an attempt to not to turn her into the "Estrogen She Hulk," I decided out of fear for my life, that on August 29th I would not smoke either. I used the nicotine patch and would pop a lozenge every time I would feel the urge to smoke. It worked for me from the start.

As life always throws us curve balls, my life is no different. During my journey to being a non smoker my relationship ended. Now we all know how stressful and emotional we get during a break up. Take into account that I still had that smoker's mentality.  Smokers are always the first to blame something like stress as a reason to go buy a pack. For some reason this time it was different for me. I decided to work through the stress and keep on with what I was doing. I learned a lot about my personal perseverance. I regained my stubbornness to see things to the end and worked through my addiction. It was very empowering when one day, while at work, I realized that I forgot to put on a patch that morning and had pretty much gone 4 hours without it. I panicked at first but I then realized I had finally won. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. Gone now are the days when I would get up at 3 am and drive to get smokes. Gone were the days of hearing that little wheeze when I was trying to go to sleep. Gone are the days that smoking would control my entire life. I don't know how to put in words how empowered and wonderful I felt.

It was learning about my perseverance and drive to succeed at quitting smoking that made me pursue my acting, writing, stand up comedy, etc. Its the drive to feel alive and excited about life that really makes this accomplishment, or rather milestone, really worthwhile. Its a wonderful feeling to say I'm a non-smoker. I have a new car now, I exercise at a gym 4 times a week. I can now smell the sweet smell of spring. Quitting smoking empowers me to always strive to do more and to never waste time doing things that don't make me happy, healthy, and fulfilled. Quitting smoking saved my life......quitting smoking will save yours too! My milestone is that as of August 29th, I have been a non smoker for 3 years and I am never going back. Sometimes I get a whiff of smoke from a passer by who is smoking. It smells good but I then tell myself that if I take one puff of a cigarette I will go down to day zero and have to start counting again. I'm never going back now and I encourage anyone else who struggles with this to quit as well. Learn about your personal perseverance. Get mad at this addiction for controlling your life and mind. Get mad at how it makes you make excuses to go back to it. Get mad for how it prevents you from being happy and healthy and fulfilled.

Thanks for reading my post! Stay tuned for my next entry which will feature a guest blog post from my dear friend Red Bird. She is a cowriter on the blog Am I lost. I am not sure what she is going to write about, but I am sure its not about how to store fruit cake.

Cheers everyone! Until next time!

G.